Can you survive an hour without wifi? A test.

Posted on November 8, 2015 | 3 comments

I had time to kill in Manhattan last week between work and dinner with friends. That hour or so turned into an interesting experiment that shed light on where I am on the scale of phone addiction.

iPhoneIt was one of those amazing unseasonably warm evenings we’ve been having here in the Tri-State area (thanks global warming) and I was on the Upper West Side and had to get to east Midtown so I decided to take a subway and walk.

There was no cell service in the subway and it’s awkward to read your phone while walking, especially in New York, where you can run into a street sign, construction zone, or really pissed off person in a hurry if you aren’t looking where you’re going. I forgot my headphones so listening to music or a podcast was not an option.

So for about an hour I didn’t look at my phone. No big deal, right?

Have you done it recently? Have you been out and about — not at work or in a movie or exercising or distracted by life at home– but out in the world during prime texting/emailing time and not felt compelled to look at your smart device?

It’s probably more difficult than you think.

I consider myself a thoughtful, balanced person who knows that I should not be sucked into screen time and should live in the moment and enjoy what’s going on around me. I’m constantly scolding my boys for excessive screen time. “Your mind will turn to mush if you watch one more episode of Hawaii 5-0!!” I yell emphatically. “No phones at the dinner table!”

cell phone ban graphic/ carpoolcandy.com

But there I was walking up Broadway holding my handbag on one arm and clutching my iPhone for dear life in the other, willing myself not to look at it. Once I sensed my anxiety, I started to become acutely aware of the temptation to check for a new text or email, or to scroll through Facebook or Twitter.

Then it became a game. I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t need to check my phone as I walked through the crowded streets during rush hour. I could use the time to think.

Remember free thinking?

I often find I come up with some of my best ideas while in the shower. That 10-12 minutes of warm water and meditative sounds provide clarity. I remember things for my to-do list, generate story ideas for articles or blogs, and even work through tough writing tasks for ongoing projects.

But in the shower I have no choice. Looking at my phone is not an option.

On the street, I started to feel restless. I was surprised and a little embarrassed as I realized my co-dependence on that small screen in my palm. I forced myself to use the time to look around, take in the people-watching– no place better than New York for that– and see where my thoughts would lead me.

It was a humbling exercise.

When did I turn into such an information addict? I know intellectually that so much of my attention spent online is wasted.

Social Media Relationship Rules

Social media sucks me in the way TV consumed me when I had more time to watch it. I’m a pop culture and news junkie, and I’m interested in people so I find it all impossible to resist.

But there’s something to be said for being with your thoughts. I know I’m not allowing myself that luxury enough. Are you?

 

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Posted in Modern Life, Pop Culture Trends, Social Media

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My brother is engaged, and other completely unbelievable changes

Posted on October 30, 2015 | 9 comments

Sometimes people surprise you.

That’s the collective response to the news that my younger brother– who is 44 and has never been married– got engaged last weekend.

Adam is a late bloomer. It took him at least three tries to find a career he liked. He was in advertising in Chicago for a few years after graduating from Wisconsin. Then moved to LA with dreams of taking Hollywood by storm. He got a job working in the mailroom at a major talent agency and worked his way up to assistant, before realizing he really didn’t have the temperament to be Ari Gold.

Then he got a series of assistant jobs with some heavy hitter producers, but rolling calls and reading scripts until 2am was not his cup of green tea. Then he took a job at a hotel and discovered hospitality was his calling.. After working at several hotels, he’s now the concierge at a boutique hotel in Beverly Hills and loves accommodating guests and helping them find restaurants and entertainment in the city.

Uncle Adam gets engaged on carpoolcandycom

My boys have only known Uncle Adam as a single dude.

All that time he was dating lots of women. To his credit, he was open to meeting people. He was set up, met girls in bars and at concerts, and filled out many online dating profiles.

He said he was ready for love all those years, but I’m not so sure.  He only dated a few ladies more than 2 or 3 times.

He really liked his alone time.

His other passion is music. He was a serious Deadhead and saw more than 100 shows while Jerry was alive. To be clear, he was no tie dye-wearing poser– he loved the music. He still records a radio show every Sunday night of live shows and keeps the tapes in a shrine in his closet. He moved on from the Dead to Phish and has been flying to cities all over the country to see live shows for the last 20 years.

He has a crew he goes to concerts with but he’s so into the music, he’ll even go by himself. In the past when he was dating a girl, he would never bring her to a show because she might be a buzz kill.

So I knew something was up when the girl he was dating this year went with him to a concert. And then another.

Adam, Heather and pals at a concert this summer.

Adam, Heather and pals at a concert this summer.

This is a guy who calls me once every three months when he needs something (he  prefers to bond over text.) But now he was calling me weekly to discuss the evolution of his new relationship.

I knew something about this Heather was different.

I met her last year over lunch when we were visiting LA and she seemed lovely. Attentive, easygoing, and really good with Eli who was the only kid at the table. I liked her right away, but remained skeptical.

Then he started saying stuff like “I’m my best self with her” and “She’s such a good person, she makes me a better person.”

My mother and I were rather speechless. When you’ve been living alone into your 40’s, you tend to be rather me-centric. All this talk about caring for another person, sharing interests, and spending lots of time together was new and refreshing!

By the summer, they were spending all their time together and he was already sure he wanted to marry her. We were excited, but cautiously optimistic.

Not only did that guy propose last weekend, he did it in style. He made up a story about going to a friend’s house in Malibu but secretly had a friend set up a picnic on the beach. He lied his way to the sand and just as she was feeling confused about what was happening, he pulled out a ring and popped the question.

Uncle Adam gets engaged on beach in Malibu on carpoolcandy.com

The ring is the one my father gave my mother in 1966 when they got engaged in Boston. Heather loved the design and the sentiment.

engagement on the beach on carpoolcandy.com

She said YES!!

After their private moment, Adam had arranged for all their friends and her family to be at a party to celebrate.

You may remember that Wilson’s brother– after perfecting his role as Manhattan committed bachelor for years–  also delighted us by falling in love and marrying last year.

We were all beginning to think Uncle Jonny and Uncle Adam were going to be single forever. But within 18 months, they both found their lobster and are looking forward to sharing their lives with someone.

Stupefied friends and family weighed in after Adam’s  big news spread. One text read “Check the temperature. Hell has frozen over!” 

Kids, the moral of the story is, keep believing in love! It’s powerful stuff, and you never know when it’s gonna come along and knock you out.

Congrats to the happy couple! We can’t wait to celebrate with you.

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Posted in I'm a Sap, Modern Life

Author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat makes naughty list for the holidays

Posted on October 22, 2015 | Comments Off on Author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat makes naughty list for the holidays

If the thought of the fast-arriving, anxiety-inducing holidays is making you want to throw a Xanax into your pumpkin-spice latte, author and blogger Jen Mann has your back.

spending the holidays with people i want to punch in the throat cover on carpoolcandy.com

Ballantine Books/ Random House

In her new book,  “Spending the Holidays With People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Yuletide Yahoos, Ho-Ho-Humblebraggers, and Other Seasonal Scourges,” Mann tells a stocking full of funny stories about how easily the holidays can be spoiled, regardless of good intentions and how many trees you decorate or cookies you bake.

decorating Christmas sugar cookies on carpoolcandy.com

Our holiday traditions include baking and decorating dozens of cookies, but they’re hardly perfect.

While many of the essays focus on Christmas– from Mann’s childhood through the present– she pokes fun at other holidays and our need to keep up with traditions and with the Joneses.

Her mother starts decorating for Christmas as soon as the lights go out on Halloween and has no less than 12 themed trees, 102 nativity scenes, and 150 Santa figures taking over her house.

That’s quite a precedent.

It seems everyone in Mann’s world is just one bad gift, one lost tradition, or one burned cookie away from ruining Christmas. She builds suspense in each harrowing tale of missteps, while commenting on the anxiety the holidays create, especially for moms trying to hold everything together and create the magic of the season.

Two essays — one on an overheard conversation between Overachieving Moms preparing for the holidays and another on humblebrag Christmas letters — give Mann a chance to air her grievances about all the irritating people who tout perfection.

Mann keeps it real in her own witty, self-deprecating letter, which heralds broken bones, her young son’s propensity for nudity and outrageous prices at Disney World.

By poking fun at the insanity of Martha Stewart-worshipping moms, and the cultural pressure to acquire expensive stuff, Mann provides relief — and a voice — for those who feel they can never compete.

You can read my full review in all its glory here.

Author Jen Mann of spending the holidays with people i want to punch in the throat on carpoolcandy.com

Author Jen Mann cracks me up

Mann is a great writer who perpetually portrays herself as the underdog, but is really a heroine and her blog a refuge for moms just trying to keep it together. The best part is that the book is less than 200 pages and a quick read that will make you giggle. You may even recognize some people you know.

Are you stressed yet about the holidays? Tell me in the comments.

Comments Off on Author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat makes naughty list for the holidays

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Why Wilson hates sleepovers

Posted on October 15, 2015 | 3 comments

Last Saturday night, Wilson and I were at Eli’s baseball game, freezing our asses off in the dark and willing it to be over when we received a text. It was Aden who was with a bunch of friends at our block party, and he was asking for a sleepover.

Every time one of our kids asks for a sleepover Wilson’s visceral and immediate reaction is “NO!!!”

Wilson doesn’t get riled up over much but if there are two parenting scourges he despises most it’s Playdoh (hardened in the bottom of the toy box and carpet is his fav)….and  sleepovers.

“No good ever comes of sleepovers!” he wails each time, as if I’m not aware of his feeling on the subject. “They stay up too late and come home tired and cranky!!”  

sleepovers on carpoolcandy.com

Jacob’s giant sleepover party in 2011. (There was no sleeping)

And he’s right. No matter how many times they swear they’ll go to bed early, they always stay up late and teeter on a tantrum the following day. Or they get sick. Or break a bone. Or bring back lice.

When you host, there’s always the risk of the anxious kid tapping you at 2am pleading to go home…or the broken chips in the bottom of the sleeping bags and sticky juice spills on whatever surface was closest to the video controller.

What’s nuts is that they have zero memory of any of the negative effects the dreaded sleepover has on them. It’s as if their recall of raging, crying, and passing out in a bowl of rice at dinner the following day have been zapped from their brains.

I don’t care for sleepovers either– in the same way I don’t like the shiny synthetic sports shorts my kids wear daily– but I’ve accepted them as part of boyhood. Sometimes you have to let kids be kids, even when you know there’s a better way.

So I’m usually the one talking Wilson off the “NO!” ledge by offering reasons why spending the night at a friend’s house (or worse, at our house) might be ok. Wilson loves a good excuse, so our rule is generally no sleepovers if you have a game the next day before 2pm. One of the virtues of Hebrew school at 9am every Sunday is that it eliminates many Saturday night sleepover opportunities. Homework can also serve as a deterrent.

But none of those applied Saturday night. I texted the host mom to make sure she hadn’t lost her senses by opening her home to 3 pre-teen boys determined to play Xbox and text girls all night. She (foolishly) insisted it was no problem so Wilson relented and Aden was off.

Sleepover graphic on carpoolcandy.com

From ctworkingmoms.com

Not 15 minutes later we got a text from Jacob asking to sleep at his friend’s house. While we wanted to say no– because the more he’s out of our sight, the more likely he is to get into trouble– we couldn’t come up with a legitimate reason.

Sleepovers at 15 are a whole other concern. We’ve developed communication avenues and trust with Jacob, and the “make good decisions!” mantra is so overused (I literally say it every time he leaves, even for school in the morning) it’s become almost comical.

But still. If he wants to be out of the house on a weekend night, there is a high possibility of shenanigans.

Part of the reason I give in when the boys beg for an overnight with friends is because I remember how much I loved sleeping over when I was growing up. Some of my favorite memories are of crashing in my friend Deb’s basement after crank calling boys, pounding Diet Cokes and having deep talks about life as  James Taylor, Queen, and Steely Dan played in the background.

Giggling with my girls circa 1985

Giggling with my girls circa 1985

When we finally turned off the lights, there was a glow from the neon beer sign over her parents’ wood-paneled bar. We’d laugh until our sides ached or until one of us fell asleep. In the morning we’d eat Lucky Charms and gossip with her mom.

Good times!  How can I deny my kids that bonding experience?

There are also life lessons to be learned in the 24 hours spent in another house. Navigating peer pressure, sleeping in a different bed, and respecting another family’s rules (and craziness) can be an education in itself. Sometimes it even makes kids appreciate coming home.

Grownup sleepovers on carpoolcandy.com

Chatting til the wee hours at Tufts reunion 2015. I still love a sleepover!

So when Eli asked to have a few friends sleep over for his birthday in a few weeks I said I would consider it. I’m certain I’ll regret it by 12:30am… and I’ll have to slip a Valium into Wilson’s beer to cut down on the griping.

But I’ll say yes, and hope the exhausted, crabby, ungrateful child we’re left with the next day will be overshadowed by a great memory.

What’s your take on sleepovers? Tell me in the comments.

 

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Posted in Kids Birthday Parties, Modern Life, Who is Wilson?

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London with kids (part 2) more fun pix!

Posted on October 9, 2015 | 1 comment

Sorry my London posts have been so s p r e a d   o u t!  I always want to be thorough in my travel posts and had to write about some other pressing news before I returned to our lovely trip across the pond.

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Piccadilly Circus

My friend, MaryEllen and I took our 12-year-old sons, Pat and Aden to London for a week. Although we hit many tourist spots, their favorite moments were not museums or city walks. They loved getting left on a subway platform, spray painting graffiti on Abbey Road, and flying business class on the way home– all of which you can read about here.

But we did have some more traditional adventures in London that were fun and engaging, even for boys who like sports and video games a lot. My last post included our trips to see Big Ben, Parliament, and the Churchill War rooms. We also checked off the London Eye, the Aquarium, and the Tower of London (click the link for more deets.)

London is known for its wonderful theater so we got tickets to see “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” at the Royal Drury Lane theater.

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The show was terrific. Top notch production with beautiful sets and costumes and an inventive, modern approach to an old story. My favorite scene was the cool way they showed Mike TV getting shrunk and zapped into the atmosphere, and I loved the creative way they made the ensemble dancers into oompa loompas.

OOMPA LOOMPAS in Charlie Chocolate Factory London on carpoolcandy.com

My cousin’s friend who lives outside London hooked us up with tickets to a football (soccer) match between his hometown of Watford and the Albion team. We took a train and an Uber car to the game– which was a pain, but completely worth it because the boys had a blast.

Seeing an authentic European  soccer match was a cultural education.

boys at English soccer game on carpoolcandy.com

People dress rather nicely for games. Everyone gets there early and instead of tailgating, they belly up to the bar for wine or beer and a selection of greasy, traditional food like sausage rolls (a giant, fatty pig in a blanket) and “beef” potato pastries called “pasties.” MaryEllen was in heaven but the kids and I were longing for a hotdog or burger and fries.

boys at English soccer game on carpoolcandy.com

There’s no alcohol served after the game starts, and yet they were the loudest, most consistent and enthusiastic fans I’ve seen since college.  We were glad the boys couldn’t hear all the words to their naughty cheers!

boys at English soccer game on carpoolcandy.com

Although there were some exciting moments, the game ended in a 0-0 tie

Another day we visited the Tate Modern Museum of Art. There are so many wonderful museums it’s difficult to choose but we thought the boys may relate to the contemporary art better than portraits of 16th century royals.

Tate Modern museum with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Aden found this famous Picasso

We got the boys on board by visiting the gift shop as soon s we arrived to purchase 15 postcards of works by famous artists (Monet, Manet, Kandinsky, Warhol, Mondrian, etc) and creating a game around who could find the art on the cards fastest.

Tate Modern museum with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Aden liked this wacky Dali

Boys love competition of any kind, so they raced through the galleries looking for specific works and learning the names of artists in spite of themselves.

Tate Modern London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Art can be fun!

We moms got to wander through more leisurely and take in the awesome loft space and impressive collections.

Some suggested we take a double-decker bus tour but we found it much more fun (and a fraction of the cost) to take public double-decker buses around town.

On the top of the double decker

On the top of the double-decker

Using our Oyster Cards to get on, we always sat on the top by the front window for an excellent view of neighborhoods all over the city.

Have I mentioned I love to shop? One day we took the bus to Oxford Street— which is kind of like 5th Avenue in New York– to check out the scene.

London's Liberty store on carpoolcandy.com

Aden got a pair of British Nikes and I got some snazzy snake-skin boots at Liberty.

Interior of Liberty London store on carpoolcandy.com

Liberty’s famous fabrics are set up like streamers in the grand entrance on the main floor of the store.

Known for its signature country French/Bohemian fabrics, Liberty is a gorgeous high-end department store that feels like tiny boutiques housed together in a large mansion, decorated by the best eclectic Etsy designers.

Interior of Liberty London store on carpoolcandy.com

I couldn’t go all the way to London and not stop at Harrod’s. I’ve heard the folklore about the shopping mecca my whole life and had to see it for myself.

Harrods London store on carpoolcandy.com

It’s certainly the fanciest store I’ve ever seen– with every major designer represented and modern, glitzy displays. The building has been redesigned since Princess Diana’s former boyfriend Dodi Al Fayed bought it and turned some of the floors into what looks like an Egyptian tomb with relics and giant sculptures lining the escalators, almost like a Disney ride.

Harrods on carpoolcandy.com

The food section is amazing and I brought home tea and chocolate– which was pretty much all I could afford.  The best part, of course, was the shoe department, which is called “Shoe Heaven.”

shoe heaven at harrods london on carpoolcandy.com

Posing at the pearly gates

That’s my kinda afterlife!

shoe heaven at harrods london on carpoolcandy.com

I’ve documented my love for the royals on the blog before, so a stop at Buckingham Palace to watch the changing of the guard was obviously on our must-see list.

Buckingham Palace on carpoolcandy.com

We joined the throngs of thousands gathered for blocks around the palace. It was fun the see the Queen’s home up close and all the pomp and circumstance of her royal guard. 
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There’s not much action, but Aden liked seeing the horses and the stiff way the beefeaters march in unison in their funny hats.

Buckingham Palace on carpoolcandy.com

As for food, we were traveling with two picky eaters who ordered plain pasta and butter wherever we went, so gourmet meals seemed like a waste of effort and money. A pity as London has so many great restaurants.

If traveling with stubborn eaters,  I’d suggest the Wagamama chain of Asian restaurants which has a variety of noodles and soups and serves beer and wine. We had a good meal outside at chef Jamie Oliver’s Union Jack after theater near Covenant Garden.

fish and chips london on carpoolcandy.com

We also walked through the food stands at Borough Market, a short walk from the Tate Museum and had a yummy lunch at a cafe called Bill’s also near the Tate and the Shakespeare World Globe Theater. And you must stop in any neighborhood pub and order the fish and chips. It’s worth the extra miles on the treadmill!

We could have stayed another week and still not seen everything we wanted to see. I can’t wait to go back! Tell me your favorite London spots in the comments.

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Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic” lit a fire under my ass

Posted on October 1, 2015 | 8 comments

I’ve reviewed a lot of books in the past few years, but never has an author seemed to look inside me and shine a light on the web of ego and dreams tangled up in there.

Big Magic cover on carpoolcandy.com

The book came from the publisher “creatively” wrapped in paper with pretty ribbon

That’s what I felt like while reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s new non-fiction book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, which is out this week. I jumped at the chance to review her new book because I’m a big fan of her writing.

Her best-selling memoir, Eat, Pray Love, sparked both lovers and haters of her work, although, being on the love side, I don’t really understand the hate. Sure, it was self-indulgent, but aren’t most memoirs? Whether you bought into the journey, you can’t deny Gilbert’s talent. Her writing is personal, insightful, honest and funny.

Gilbert is able to see a situation, turn it over in her mind a few thousand times and then write about it so honestly and specifically,that even if the situation doesn’t apply completely, you can’t help but recognize yourself.

Elizabeth Gilbert on carpoolcandy.com

Big Magic is a must-read for writers, as it speaks to why we subject ourselves to the uncertainty, rejection, and criticism that comes with sharing your thoughts in public. Not to mention the love of art in lieu of a fat paycheck.

But it’s also for anyone who has creative desires of any kind and isn’t fulfilling them.

She uses an example of a friend who skated as a child and loved it, but quit when she became a teenager and realized she wasn’t going to the Olympics. She went on to become a successful businesswoman who was happily married with kids, but started to feel down and in a rut. After some soul-searching she remembered how skating used to make her feel and decided to get back on the ice.

She could have been intimidated by her age, by taking lessons with a bunch of 9-year-olds watching, by the cold, by lack of personal time….by what others would think. But none of that was enough to prevent her from getting up early to skate for an hour before work a few times a week. The feeling she got from being on the ice again carried over into the rest of her life and she felt joy and ease she hadn’t felt in years.

She hasn’t won any medals, and she’s still skating.

So what are you afraid of doing? What activity have you always wanted to try or tried once and left behind? There are a million excuses not to pick it up, and Gilbert lists them all in the book. But those excuses are hiding fear.

I’ll admit something I haven’t out loud much before: I have an idea for a screenplay.

Just writing this is making me queasy. I don’t feel comfortable sharing my dreams so publicly.

I’ve had the idea for about 10 years and have created characters, scenes and even dialog in my mind, but haven’t been able to commit to it because I’m afraid.

Afraid of failure and success. Afraid it won’t be as good as I want it to be. Afraid I have no business writing a screenplay. I’m no Brooklyn hipster or Hollywood phenom. I’m just a working mom driving carpool.

But Liz told me I have a voice and it needs to be heard. She hasn’t promised my work will be read, liked, produced and released. She just says I have to write it. For me. Because every year that goes by that I don’t write it, I feel like I’ve failed myself.

It would feel really good to get it all out of my head and onto paper (or a PDF file, you get the point.) I’ve spent more time in the last year on it than ever before and I actually have most of Act 1 down and an outline for Acts 2 and 3.

Writing desk on carpoolcandy.com

I spent a weekend alone in NYC last spring working on the screenplay.

But now I need to fully commit. To make room for this project, instead of waiting for free time to work on it. I’m a busy gal so there are lots of great reasons not to work on my story. Helping kids, cooking dinner, volunteering at school, reading for my book club and work. And how about just being dog tired after a busy week and preferring to lay on the couch eating cookies while watching Orange is the New Black?

But Liz has made me realize it’s fear keeping me from the page. And I can’t let fear win.

Big Magic has great stories and tips on how to tap into whatever creative gig you’re into. I gave the book a great review, which you can read here.  I’m not alone in feeling the power of this book, it just hit number one on the NY Times bestseller list.

What are you afraid of?  Be brave and tell me in the comments.  Then commit to punching fear in the face and getting started on your journey to a more creative life!

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What shock looks like: pulling off a surprise party

Posted on September 27, 2015 | 3 comments

There’s nothing better than planning a surprise party, committing to the white lies you tell to make it happen, and then pulling it off.

Our friends, Tami and Chris, celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in August. They are very special people who do so much for others, they kinda make you feel inadequate.

The happy couple in Paris 2015

The happy couple in Paris 2015

They’re generous with their time and willing to share anything they have with people they love– and that’s a large group. Just one example is their commitment to fostering children. They’ve cared for and stayed close with at least 6 kids in the last 3 years. They’ve also been wonderful to my kids– taking special care to understand and build a relationship with each one– and many of their friends’ kids.

They wanted to celebrate their milestone anniversary in August with a party, but after a change of heart, decided to take a trip to Paris instead. They had a terrific time but I knew they were a little disappointed to let the party idea go. So I didn’t let it go. I emailed a few of their friends and cooked up a plan to do a Sunday brunch at my house with a bunch of local families.

Not one friend hesitated for a second, in fact all jumped in to help bring food, set up, and clean up…. and help keep Tami and Chris in the dark. I sent an evite and told everyone NOT TO TELL THEIR KIDS.

Kids would surely blow the surprise– not intentionally, but almost certainly– if they were burdened with the information. Kristin Wiig expressed it best in her hilarious SNL character “lady who can’t keep a surprise,” which you can check out here.

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I surprised Wilson for his 30th and again for his 35th birthdays and he didn’t have a clue. It’s very satisfying.

I did actually break the no kids rule and told Aden — who proved yet again that he is a vault. (Like Kristin Wiig , I HAD to tell SOMEONE or I would burst. Of course Wilson knew, but he doest get excited about such things.) Jacob and Eli both believed the lie I told Tami– that we were having an early birthday brunch for Eli with my mother and a few other friends.

She completely bought it. Why wouldn’t she? Her anniversary was in August, and it was a believable lie. The more I thought about the perfect plan, the giddier I became. I’m a party nerd and the days leading up  to the event I was more excited than I should have been about an adult party.

But understand that Tami is one of those people who knows everything– a busybody in the best way, her son once called her “a compulsive intervener,” because she has to be involved in it all.

So the thought of blowing her mind and gathering so many people they love in one room– well, I was hardly able to contain my enthusiasm.

There were a few close calls, but as everyone patiently waited on my back porch for them to show today, it was clear from their 30 minute tardiness that they had no clue what was going on.

surprise anniversary party on carpoolcandy.com

The look on their faces, including their son Avery in front: “What is happening?”

They walked in the back of the house and everyone yelled “SURPRISE! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!”  and they looked at us in complete confusion. It took several minutes as they walked closer to this crowd of eager faces, to figure out this was a party for them.

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Then, happy, excited, and perhaps overwhelmed.

After the initial shock, everyone got down to eating– it was a delicious potluck spread, including of course, cake.

surprise anniversary party on carpoolcandy.com

As we cut the cake, Tami spoke about what a great decision it was to move to our town because of the friends they made. It is kind of funny how where you live can change who you are as a family.

Tami and I agree we picked exactly the right town.

surprise anniversary party on carpoolcandy.com

Those two love birds smooched for the crowd, and everyone went home feeling like 25 years of marriage is a great thing to celebrate.

Have you ever pulled off a surprise? Tell me about it in the comments.

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Emmys 2015: the year of heat and history

Posted on September 21, 2015 | 2 comments

It was a night of sweat and sweeps at the 67th annual Emmy awards! Those poor, pampered TV stars spent all day getting made up and coiffed only to melt in steamy L.A. temps Sunday night.

emmys-logo on carpoolcandy.com

The always-in-need-of-a-sandwich Giuliana Rancic claimed it was 106 degrees on the red carpet, prompting Allison Janney to swipe the sweat from her brow and declare them the Bikram Emmys.

But the show must go on so the stars persevered as they perspired down the carpet, fanning themselves and taking swigs of water from bottles held by eager publicists.

Who glistened:

–January Jones  aka Betty Draper was anything but 60’s conservative in a bright emerald green strapless jumpsuit with flared pants and pleated sash. She won the night IMHO. Three words: Fab U Lous.

Emmy fashion

John Shearer/WireImage.com

— I loved Taraji P. Henson‘s Alexander Wang dress. The black sheath had metal chain-link straps and a long sheer, patterned skirt. Edgy and different. Straight hair,  simple makeup, and little jewelry completed the minimal look. And her cheekbones are insane.

–Another winner for me was “Downton Abbey’s”  Joanne Froggatt (Anna) in a
romantic pink J. Mandel gown with black trim and cutouts and dramatic black chiffon trains on each side.  Perfect for her shape and complimented by long Juliet tresses with flowers pinned in. Unlike anything else on the carpet.

–If I were to ever hire a stylist, it would be whomever dresses Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Her simple black sheath with angular one shoulder top and big dramatic diamond earrings were simple, chic and looked amazing.

— I wasn’t sure if I liked Amy Schumer’s Zac Posen grey/green strapless dress and messy hair but it grew on me. She was very boobular and had no problem adjusting the girls on live TV. She also proudly told Ryan Seacrest she weighed  “a buck fifty” which made me love her even more.

–“Orphan Black” star Tatiana Masleny had a notable look in a very low cut white tuxedo suit.  Sexy, simple, sophisticated, sublime.

—Laverne Cox of “Orange is the New Black” got voted best body by many style watchers in a Calvin Klein green halter dress with cutouts and a bare back. I loved her long blond hair too.

–Another gal I can count on to kill it on the carpet is “Modern Family‘s”  Sarah Hyland, who looked gorgeous in a burgundy Zac Posen off the shoulder sheath  with cutouts, a low back, and a flared bottom that hugged her in all the right places. She paired the dress with cool bejeweled dangling earrings and a Hollywood tan. Very glam.

—Kerry Washington was channeling 1980’s Diana Ross in a beaded silver metallic mesh dress with shoulder pads and a sexy slit up her leg. It  looked like Halston but was actually Marc Jacobs and fit her beautifully.

–Probably the most shocking arrival was Lady Gaga, who seemed to be taking her role as Hollywood actress seriously in a very sedate but classic black off the shoulder sheath and Jean Harlow hair and makeup.

As for the men, there weren’t any standouts but Seth Meyers reminded me of Dean Martin in his navy tailored tux, and Anthony Andrews of “Blackish” looked svelte and handsome in his classic black tuxedo.  John Stamos doesn’t look like he should be starring in a show as a grandpa– he never seems to age. Great tux,  great dimples.

Who let the heat affect their fashion sense: 

Andy Samberg’s wife, musician Joanna Newsom’s ensemble was bizarro. My 12 year old son asked why she had a ring stuck on the top of her dress and I had no good answer for the giant appliqué on top and gauzy fringe curtains on the bottom. In different colors of pink. The Jane Eyre hairstyle didn’t help.

Emmy fashion 2015

–“Happyish” star Kathryn Hahn‘s dress had a flattering shape, but the flowered velvet looked like a carpetbagger purse, and the style brought the Chiquita banana lady to mind. At least her hair looked pretty.

—“Mad Men” star and fashionista Kiernan Shipka had an oops with this yellow embroidered Barbie ballet dancer dress on top and black cigarette pants on the bottom. Huh?

Emmys fashion 2015

Getty / Jason Merritt

–The gorgeous Nazanin Boniadi of “Homeland” wore a weird white long dress with a nude side panel that looked more Olympic skater than Hollywood couture.   One side long sleeve sheath, one side sleeveless, flowy panel. It was like two different dresses sewn together. No good.

–It was disappointing to see model and fashion show host Heidi Klum make the mistake of choosing  a canary yellow Versace with way too much going on.  It was short, it was long, it was sheer, and embroidered. It had one long flared sleeve and one spaghetti strap. She should tell her stylist Auf Wiedersehen!

For more Emmy fashion click here and here.

After sweating on the red carpet, the stars had to sweat it out inside to see who took home a statue. Several shows swept the night, winning in several categories and making for repetitive speeches. Here are my highlights…..

The goofy and talented Andy Samberg did a great job hosting. He was funny, just the right amount of bitchy, and comfortable in the role. His opening bit was a pre-recorded music video that managed to acknowledge almost every TV show  ever produced and poke fun at the industry. I LOL-ed quite a few times and the audience seemed to get him.

Andy Samberg hosts emmys 2015

Fox

Viola Davis became the first African American woman to win for lead actress in a drama for “How to Get Away with Murder.”  In a tearful acceptance speech,  Davis said “the only thing that separates women of color from anybody else is opportunity.” She went on to thank all the writers and producers creating roles for black women on TV and for redefining “what it means to be beautiful, sexy leading women.”

The brilliant Allison Janney also made history taking home an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in “Mom.” She is now tied with Ed Asner for most performance Emmy wins, with seven.

“Game of Thrones” won best drama but leading actor went to the long suffering Jon Hamm, who had been nominated for his role in “Mad Men” since its first season in 2007 but never won. He earned that standing ovation.

HBO’s “Veep”  won for best comedy and also swept the best writing, actress and supporting actor awards.

Olive Kittredge won best mini-series, director, writers, actor (Richard Jenkins,) supporting actor (Bill Murray,) and actress– for the least vane celebrity in L.A. —Frances McDormand. With no make up or hairstyle, her speech was short and sweet: “My colleagues have thanked everyone. We are all here for the power of a story well told, sometimes that’s enough. Thank you.” I told Wilson we must watch it this week to see what all the fuss is about.

Jon Stewart’s team of writers on “The Daily Show” won their 9th and final Emmy with Jon at the helm. TDS also nabbed best director, and variety series. That’s a tough category, going up against Letterman, Schumer, Colbert, John Oliver, etc.  I love “TDS”  and already miss Jon, but I think Jimmy Fallon needs some props. He’s killing it every night with original skits, songs, games, and social media. Maybe next year Jimmy. You’ve got my vote.

“Inside Amy Schumer” won for best writing which made me really happy. Schumer’s speech was random, funny, and spontaneous like she is. I love her. Authentic. Hysterical. Smart. Girl power. Finally.

Other remarkable moments included Tina Fey and Jane Krakowski getting weepy as Tracy Morgan came on to give the last award of the night. He explained what he’d been through since a terrible car accident last year but he looked good and got a few jokes in.

Jimmy Kimmel had one of the funniest moments of the night making Jeffrey Tambor really work for his Best Actor in a drama award for Amazon’s “Transparent”. Before Kimmel read the nominations, he dared the Emmy producers to stop him from peeking at the envelope before he announced the nominees. He saw the winner’s name and then proceeded to cut the name out of the card, put it in his mouth and chew it up, claiming he could now choose whichever winner he wanted. (He picked Tambor.)

Show runner Jill Soloway won for best director of a comedy series for Transparent and took the opportunity to advocate for trangender civil rights in her acceptance speech.

Amy Poehler is quickly becoming the Susan Lucci of primetime, losing for the 16th time. She’s apparently been nominated for writing and acting in “SNL”  and “Parks and Rec” but has NEVER WON. How is this possible??  In anticipation of the loss, she donned a hoodie and sunglasses and slumped down in her seat when they announced the nominees. Buzzfeed called her the best loser of all time. Her day will come.

emmys 2015

She was beat by six-time winner Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who won for Veep for the fourth year in a row. I’m kicking myself that I’ve never been able to stay with that show. Every time I watch it I laugh. I’ll try again. In her acceptance speech, Louis-Dreyfus shouted out thanks and kudos to her fellow nominees, saying ” I love powerful, funny women.”

Me too Julia, me too.

What were your favorite Emmy moments? Tell me in the comments.

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London with kids: balancing culture and fun (part 1)

Posted on September 17, 2015 | 2 comments

Last month, I took Aden to London for a week with my friend, MaryEllen, and her son, Pat.  It was a terrific trip, but as I posted a few weeks ago, the boys will remember the funny moments probably more than the tourist spots.

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Checking out Big Ben and Parliament buildings in Westminster.

There is so much to do and see in London, we had to try to force some culture down the throats of those little sports nuts! Without kids in tow, we probably could have jammed 3-4 sights into each day, but with kids you must pace yourself and keep expectations low or you’re doomed. We kept it to about 2 major activities per day, which worked well.

London is one of the easiest cities to navigate. There is no language barrier, the subway and bus systems are amazing, and they basically spoon feed you information. To ride the Underground, you will need to purchase an Oyster card and add money to it in machines at the station.

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Waiting for the tube in the ultra clean underground

The streets are well-marked, and every tourist attraction and tube stop has a plethora of helpful signs (like MIND THE GAP.)

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Those thoughtful English don’t want you to step off the curb and get squashed since they drive on the other side of the road.

On our first day, we took the Underground to Westminster and walked around. As soon as you exit the tube station, you’re standing in front of Big Ben, and the Parliament buildings are in the next few blocks. Westminster Abbey is also very close. We wanted to look inside and maybe even get a tour but there was a long line to get in and we feared the boys would wilt if we started the day waiting on line to see a church.

Instead, we walked a few blocks to the Churchill War Rooms. This was an easier sell because — although the rooms open up to an extensive museum on former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill’s life — the word “museum” is absent and therefore made the activity much more palatable.

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

When you enter the museum, you go underground to walk through the actual bunker of rooms Churchill and his men used during World War II, sometimes not emerging for weeks at a time.

Churchill War rooms London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

There’s a situation room decorated with maps, sleeping quarters and a kitchen, all preserved to look exactly as it had in the 1940’s.

Churchill War rooms London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Each number you dialed on this period phone started a recording of a person who knew Churhcill commenting on his personality and leadership skills. I had to help Aden dial!

The interactive museum is very kid-friendly and full of memorabilia and historical exhibits. You don’t have to be a war buff to be fascinated by Churchill’s life, and we wandered around the place for at least two hours without much complaint from the peanut gallery.

London Eye with kids on carpoolcandy.com

The Eye is in the background

Now we were feeling ambitious so we crossed the Westminster Bridge to the London Eye. The giant, slow-moving ferris wheel is a total tourist trap but one of the highlights of the vacation for all of us.

London Eye with kids on carpoolcandy.com

It’s fun to be up so high for such a long time, and you can see the layout of the city from every angle, which made explaining our locations easier for the rest of the trip.

London Eye with kids on carpoolcandy.com

People on the next car brought snacks and champagne and looked like they were on a party ride (note to self for next time!)

We didn't go selfie crazy but some shots were a must!

We didn’t go selfie crazy but some shots were a must!

When you buy your ticket for the Eye there are several other attractions you can combine with it to get more for your money. There’s Madame Toussoud’s Wax Museum (we skipped because we have in NYC)  and a London Dungeon tour that is supposed to scare the crap out of you– no thanks– so we chose to add the London Aquarium. 

London Aquarium with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Aden loved the sharks swimming below our feet….

London Aquarium with kids on carpoolcandy.com

…and the touch tank.

Aden is an animal-lover and expert so we’ve visited zoos and aquariums in many cities. I’d say the aquarium in London has a lot to offer in variety, but it’s not a standout. It’s located near the Eye and several other tourist spots and probably great for little kids, but you could definitely skip it if you’re not into fish.

London Aquarium with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Was this sea turtle waving hello?!

On Day 2 we headed for the Tower of London— a must see.  It’s an original  stone castle/village that dates back to the 11th century and has been used as a royal palace, a fortress, a vault for the crown jewels, a zoo, and a prison. Now it’s a historical landmark where you can learn about England’s often dark and bloody history.    
Tower of London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

I highly recommend you take a tour given by the Yoeman Warders — an extremely elite crew of guards that are presently serving at her Majesty’s service.

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

They provide all the history, gossip and literally gory details of English royalty and culture as they take you through some of the main buildings.

Tower of London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

The Yeoman telling us about the Bloody Tower (left) where many executions took place and two young princes were believed to have been murdered.

MaryEllen and I found our guide informative and funny, and the history lesson fascinating. The boys thought there was too much standing and found the tour a snore. But it’s worth persevering!

After the hour-long tour, we visited the Crown Jewels exhibit. Seeing millions of dollars of blinged out crowns, scepters and jewelry was cool, even for boys. Unfortunately, you can’t take photos inside, but I bought post cards to show Wilson in hopes he’d be inspired.

crown jewels Tower of London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

You could easily spend a whole day at the Tower of London — there are many buildings and exhibits to wander through….

Tower of London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

A real torture rack where they separated the bodies of traitors by stretching their limbs!

…but the boys were getting antsy so we let them stand in the main square and watch the British soldiers guarding the jewels.  The boys stood for nearly 30 minutes waiting for the guards– as stiff as toy soldiers– to show any humanity.

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

A facial expression or sneeze made the boys giddy, but they were really hoping for one of the guards to switch his rifle from one shoulder to the other.

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You just never know what will engage a kid.

Stay tuned for my next post to see how we engaged the boys the rest of the week!

Shout out again to our friends, Raquel and Chris, who opened their flat to us and helped us plan our daily itineraries.

London with kids on carpoolcandy.com

Cheers to Raquel, our Julie McCoy of London!

All they asked for in exchange was some boxes of Aunt Jemima’s Complete Pancake Mix, which is unavailable in the U.K. Who knew?!

 

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Remembering 9/11: where I was that day

Posted on September 10, 2015 | 7 comments

I knew today was September 11th but I got the kids up and off to school like it was any other day. When I returned from the bus stop, the TV was on and the victims’ relatives were reading the names of those they lost on that horrific day 11 years ago.

I was weeping within minutes. Even for the tenth time, hearing the names breaks my heart and brings me right back to that Manhattan day. It was a gorgeous, crisp autumn morning and the sky was remarkably clear and blue, before it exploded into fire and smoke and misery.

No one will ever forget where they were that day when the world was forever changed.

I was living in Manhattan, working at Fox News, and Jacob was a year old. I was so grateful that Wilson was working uptown. He had walked down many stairs from his office to escape the chaos after the first bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993.

In 2001, his office shut down and he eventually walked home with the throngs of confused, frightened people crowding the streets. I didn’t see him much that week and when I finally got home, I was obsessed with watching the news coverage, trying (in vain) to make sense of what happened…trying to feel the pain I had forced myself to numb while at work.

NeverForget-09-11-2001

After the towers fell, I basically lived at my desk for a week as we tried to tell the most shocking, tragic, and intense story of our lives.

One memory seared in my mind is when we lost contact with our reporter– Rick Leventhal– and his cameraman and sat truck operator after the first tower collapsed. In standard operating procedure, we had sent them downtown to cover the story as soon as the planes hit the towers.

But when the tower collapsed, all we saw was a huge plume of brown smoke envelop Rick as he was getting ready to report live. We could hear screaming and then the cameraman dropped the camera on the ground but eerily left it recording on the live feed to the newsroom (not on air.)

We stared in horror as we saw the sidewalk view of a street filled with smoke and ash, and then the feed went to black and we lost contact with the crew.

I don’t remember how long it was before we heard from the crew, and there was a lot of silent guilt for sending them into unspeakable danger and uncertainty.  After what seemed like agonizing hours, we found out they were safe after hunkering down in a nearby building.

It was the most relief I remember feeling covering any news story.

When I was able to get out of the office to catch a few hours of sleep, I could smell the ash and smoke in the air and saw the glazed, damaged looks of my fellow New Yorkers.

I remember seeing the “missing” flyers posted all over the city, and making trips to CVS to get contact lens solution, wipes, rubber gloves to bring to our local fire house to feel like we were doing something to help.

There are so many stories about the thousands of people touched by the attack. For the 10th anniversary, I wrote a series of articles for AOL’s Patch.com. I interviewed a New Jersey man who lost his brother-in-law and was so moved by the experience that when he retired a few years later, he started a fund to support people in crisis in his local community and support cultural events that bring people together.

TJ hargrave on carpoolcandy.com

T.J. was a child actor who had a regular part on “Guiding Light” in the early 80’s. Kevin Bacon took over the role after he left. He was also in several TV movies and ads.

You can read about TJ Hargrave– who was at his office at Cantor Fitzgerald when he died– and his brother-in-law’s inspiring story here. One of TJ’s daughters read his name this morning at the World Trade Center Memorial. I’m sure he would be so proud of her courage.

I also had the opportunity to interview several South Orange, New Jersey firefighters last year — some of whom filled in at a Brooklyn fire house in the days following the attack. They tell a compelling tale with some chilling details about their experience in New York and what it’s like for them and their families to face risk every day. That story is here.

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I always feel helpless when watching the families of 9/11 victims grieving. But reading these stories is a way to keep the memories of those we lost– and those who risked their lives to help– alive.

One thing we can do is never forget.

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