For several years, I was involved in the PTA and many activities at my boys’ schools. They’re three school years apart (7, 9, and 13) and attend three different schools, which makes for a lot of running around for mom.
But I’m a busybody and like to know what’s going on. Being involved in the school community and getting to know the principal, teachers, and parents helps me make sure my kids are getting the most of their educational experience. I like the idea of doing my part to help teachers and raise money for extra programs. It was also a nice social outlet when I stopped working full-time and felt isolated outside of an office. The women who run the PTAs in my town are smart, dynamic ladies who get stuff done.
This year I took a step back because I returned to work and wanted to focus on my professional goals. I didn’t think my kids would notice. There were plenty of times I’d be at school and they’d pretend not to see me or acted embarrassed that I was merely existing in their space.
So I was surprised when they expressed disappointment when I wasn’t volunteering for lunch duty and going to meetings. Turns out they liked having me around, even if they were too-cool-at-school to show it.
I promised them I would do one thing in each of their schools this year. Last week I chaperoned my 7th grader, Jacob’s class trip to the United Nations. Although he ignored me on the bus ride, he acknowledged me a few times on the tour and it was great to share in the interesting and unique experience. We both learned a lot.
When 9-year-old Aden’s teacher asked if there were any parents who wanted to come into the class and talk about an area of interest I was tempted, but hesitant. The class was working on writing skills and had a reading blog where they share opinions about common books. A class visit on blogging seemed like a good fit, but I had never spoken publicly to anyone about my new blogging experience. Despite my outgoing and clearly opinionated personality, I don’t enjoy speaking to large groups.
It makes me very, very nervous.
But Aden really wanted me to do it so how could I refuse? I wrote up a list of topics to discuss and used the classroom smartboard as a visual aid to show the kids my blog.
It must sound ridiculous that I was anxious about speaking to a group of 4th graders and teachers, but it was still 45 people…all staring at me….waiting for me to say smart things. Pressure!
But how can I preach to my kids about facing fears and going out of your comfort zone if I don’t try it myself? So I did it. And those 4th graders were a good crowd. There was no heckling, I remembered almost everything I wanted to say, and they asked great questions.
When it was over, the teachers seemed pleased and I was energized and excited about surviving the experience. The best part is the email I received the next day from Aden’s teacher, Ms. Kasbo:
I just wanted to let you know what a difference you made for the students in writing. I noticed today during conferencing with them that several students were bringing up your comments and applying them to their own writing pieces, especially when we were speaking about keeping audience in mind when writing. Just wanted to let you know what a positive effect it had on the students. Thanks again.
I was happy to get a window into Aden’s world and show him some of what I do (so that’s why you’re always sitting at that computer mom!) but the fact that I made even a small impact was a huge bonus.
Next month, I’m accompanying Eli on a class trip to see a play. At only 7, he’s elated for me to chaperone and see all his friends. I’ll be thrilled to sit with him on my lap in the dark and remain anonymous.
Each experience has its own rewards.
carpool candy 
My kid’s obsessed with Instagram
My oldest son, Jacob, has only been a teenager for a few weeks, yet we’re already arguing about his use of technology.
You may recall a few months ago I posted about him begging me for a smart phone and a Facebook page. My feeling– backed up by Wilson- is that I don’t want to incur the extra cost of a smart phone and its maintenance, and I don’t want him having access to the internet whenever he feels like it. That can only lead to trouble.
I’m not naive enough to think these privileges aren’t going to happen in the near future, but I’d like to hold out as long as possible. Every day he’s learning and maturing and hopefully when I’m forced to give in, he will have that much more smarts to make the right decisions.
13 is a significant birthday and for Jews, becoming a bar mitzvah– which Jacob will do next month– is a big deal. So his grandparents wanted to get him a special gift and suggested an iPad mini.
At first I balked, thinking it was too much. But then I realized that we would not spend the money on a tech luxury like that for him right now and he would probably love it.
It’s been life changing.
One the plus side, it’s made Jacob more independent and self-sufficient. He had more apps on that thing in 2 days than I’ve ever had, on all my devices combined. He has it set up so he gets the weather (no more barging into my room to see the forecast every morning,) his favorite sports teams scores (no need for computer time instead of eating breakfast,) and his own camera.
He never cared much for a camera before but now he needs it to post on Instagram. Before I knew it, he was signed up and posting pix on Instagram almost hourly.
At first, I was concerned. I’m not on Instagram and didn’t know how to use it. I had banned him from Facebook and Google Plus but now, without even discussing it, he was right in the Insta-mix, gathering likes and friends like a magnet in a nail factory.
He spends hours every week making photo collages, scrolling through friends’ feeds and commenting on comments of pictures. I’m told his interest will wane after the novelty wears off, but he’s a social animal so I can see this becoming a powerful habit.
This is why I didn’t want him to have a smart phone. The lack of control and the complete abandon with which he jumped into the social media landscape makes me uncomfortable.
But then he was so happy to be part of the conversation, he told me he no longer needed a fancy phone. I realized that the iPad was the best short term compromise, because he has the social engagement and internet access he wants, but only at home (he doesn’t have 3G so can only use it with wifi) where its use can be monitored. He doesn’t take it to school or sports so the chances it gets damaged, lost, or stolen are slim.
What I didn’t count on was the obsessive use. Unless we take it away, the kid is clutching that device from the moment he wakes up until it falls out of his grip when he’s overcome by sleep at night. In addition to Instagram, he’s streaming TV shows, playing games, and Googling most thoughts that enter his head.
Ick.
Welcome to modern parenting: limiting screen time and helping kids understand the importance of electronic-free activities. Jacob is a great student who does his homework before play time, and a busy athlete with many practices and games. When with his gang of boys after school, they often play sports outside, but our recent freezing, snowy weather has encouraged more inside activities, and TV and video games are too tempting.
Last weekend our family drove into Manhattan for the day and the kids played on iPads during the 30 minute trip in. But on the way home, there was an uproar when we took them away.
“Look out the window! See the world! Listen to the radio! Let your mind wander!” I yelled from the front seat as Jacob rolled his eyes and grunted. He managed to get through the ride but asked for the iPad as soon as we got home. We refused.
It’s a battle we’ll be fighting for the rest of time.
So I had a problem– Jacob wanted a smart phone– that I thought I solved when he got an iPad…but that created a new problem. He’s only 13, and my first of three kids to go through technology adjustments and teen angst.
I better buckle up.
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Posted in Joys of Parenting, Modern Life, Social Media
Tagged instagram teen use, ipad mini for teens, kid obsessed with instagram, kids and social media, kids commenting on instagram, kids liking instagram pictures, kids making instagram collages, kids obsessed with social media, kids too much screen time, limiting kids screen time, parenting and technology, parents limiting kids screen time