Category Archives: Joys of Parenting

Puppy love!

Posted on July 25, 2013 | 9 comments

Big news! (drumroll please)….. our puppy arrives September 7th!

For those of you following along, we’ve been debating whether to get a dog for a couple of years and finally decided to make it happen. It might have been the day I looked out the window and found 10-year-old Aden playing in the back yard with a cicada. (No joke!)

The poor kid really needs a pooch.

I started to do some research but I believe fate is what brought this puppy to us. I ran into a friend at a concert two weeks ago.  She has a beautiful 16-month old Golden Doodle named Dempsey who we met as a puppy who was very sweet and good with kids and other dogs.  She told me her breeder had just had a litter that week and had more puppies than expected.

Dempsey

Dempsey

Aden and I looked up the breeder on the web and liked the way they talked about the dogs– professional and affectionate, but not over the top. The site answered all my questions and had adorable pictures of their dogs and puppies.

The father of the puppies is an English Cream Golden Retriever and the mother is a Moyen Poodle named Zoey– the same name as our cousins’ dog whom we love. This English Cream breed of Golden Doodles have very light-colored, wavy hair that hopefully won’t shed too much, which is good for 7-year-old Eli’s asthma and allergies.

Every time I stopped someone on the street to ask what breed their cute dog was, 8 times out of 10 it was a Golden Doodle. Everything I read confirmed that they are social, great with kids, have a good disposition, and smart, so easy to train.  It seemed like a good fit for us.

We were sold.

Next we had to decide whether we wanted a male or female. I was leaning towards female to even out the gender in our family a bit. I read that females were more mellow in the puppy phase and more independent as adult dogs. Males can be more difficult to calm but loyal and affectionate.

We chose female because there were less girls in the litter, but I’m still on the fence. Our breeder says personality is much more important than gender so we’re checking the website regularly, where she posts information on each puppy. She gives them each different colored collars and takes notes on their behavior to get a sense of their personalities.

These are the puppies at about three weeks old. Still haven’t all opened their eyes yet!

new puppies!

I’ve bought a bunch of books and have been quizzing friends so I’m as prepared as possible for this big change in our lives. When I told a friend who just got a puppy a month ago that we put a deposit down and are expecting ours shortly she said “you may regret it on a  minute to minute level, but never a day by day level.”

I told her there will be no regrets, only puppy love from here on out.  How can you not love something that cute? Even if he is chewing my favorite shoes  and peeing on my rug. He/she will be a part of our family and you don’t mess with family.

I’m eager to hear your thoughts on boy or girl– as we may still have a choice– and also possible names. I welcome all advice as long as it’s positive. There’s no turning back now.

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Watching kids come into their own

Posted on July 14, 2013 | 1 comment

One of the things I like best about summer is that our light-speed pace slows down a bit.  That gives me rare one-on-one time with my boys and the chance to notice special moments.

I was driving home from a baseball game in another town recently when we hit a roadblock. The directions I usually follow were now useless and I had to find my way back home on my own. I don’t love driving on a good day, so getting lost with a car full of kids as it’s getting dark was extremely anxiety-provoking.

13-year-old Jacob was in the front seat and snapped to attention as soon as I voiced my concerns. He began to talk me through several turns, predicting which landmarks were coming up so I could get my bearings. I was so turned around and edgy I doubted him at first, until I realized he completely knew where he was going and decisively led me back home.

Kids growing up

If Jacob had not been in the car, I would definitely have gotten flustered and either gotten lost, or pulled over to call Wilson or look up directions on my phone. (We don’t have a built-in GPS in the car because Wilson refuses to use one and calls it an unnecessary “crutch,” but I digress.)

I was wiping my sweaty palms on my shorts and rubbing the ball of tension out of my neck as the road ahead of me became familiar again. I smiled and looked over at Jacob.  A physical rush ran through my body of love and pride as I saw him at that moment with fresh eyes.  He was so grown up, so self-assured, so in control.

Last week, I took 10-year-old Aden to the zoo with some friends. He’s wild about animals and led us around the grounds with the enthusiasm of a cheerleader, and the  knowledge of an encyclopedia. He recognized scores of animals and rattled off distinguishing characteristics and behaviors, as if they were his pals.

Aden feeds a bird at the zoo

Aden feeds a bird at the zoo

He knows all this because he’s constantly reading books, watching shows, and studying animals. Watching him in action, speaking so authoritatively, was pretty cool.

We took  7-year-old Eli to a party Friday night on our street. The party hosts have younger kids so my older boys didn’t want to go.  I figured Eli would know several neighborhood kids there but wasn’t exactly sure who would show up. As always, Eli’s eyes lit up at the mention of a party, and he grabbed his shoes without ever asking a detail about guests, food, or how long we would stay.

Eli’s one of the most confident people I’ve ever met. He’s always taken on any social challenge with glee and gusto. New school or camp? No problem. Tagging along to watch his brothers’ games? He’s in. Attending any social event– from  dinner with friends to a giant party with no kids his age?  Bring it on.

That’s not how Wilson or I rolled as a kid. Heck, it’s not even how I roll now. I still don’t like going to new places or parties unless I have peops I can lean on.  I’ll do it, but it’s out of my comfort zone.

The whole world is Eli’s comfort zone. He has a big personality and has coasted on charm, no matter whom he encounters.  It’s fun to watch.

Click here for video of him at Jacob’s bar mitzvah, dancing in front of the entire room. Not a shy bone in his body!

Eli gets down at a recent party

Eli gets down at a recent party

I’d love to say it’s all because of my fabulous parenting. But let’s face it, I’m not a strong or experienced driver, I know nothing about animals and I still get nervous going somewhere where I don’t know people.

My boys are becoming their own people, with strengths and traits that have little to do with me or Wilson. As much as I hate how quickly they seem to be growing up, it’s aha moments like these that make parenting big kids gratifying.

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1st day of summer: the good, the bad and the unexpected

Posted on June 26, 2013 | Comments Off on 1st day of summer: the good, the bad and the unexpected

My boys  (ages 7, 10 and 13)  had their last day of school yesterday. The end of the year snuck up on me while I was busy with work projects so I spent the morning paying library fines for lost books, and buying and delivering teacher gifts  (nothing like the last-minute!)  Then the kids came home, giddy as can be.

Aden hoolahoop summer starts

The younger two will start various camps next week and I’m trying to figure out what to do with my teenager.  But day-one of summer vacation was about just chillin’.

Some early observations:

The good:   I didn’t have to pack three lunches this morning. No arguing about food and rushing around like a lunatic. No extra Tupperware clogging up the dishwasher.

The not so good:  I still had to make lunch! In fact, now the kids have friends over and I have to make lunch for more kids and actually watch them not eat what I prepare. At least at school, I’m blissfully unaware of how much they waste.

Bus stop kids, last day of school

Bus stop kids, last day of school

The good:  No more rushing to make the school bus in the morning and afternoon.

The not so good:   I’ll miss my bus stop pals. Where will I get my latest crime reports and funny kid stories? I looked forward to that adult conversation and camaraderie twice a day.

The good:  The kids slept late and entertained themselves this morning, just like a weekend. I got to read, clean up, and take a run in peace.

The not so good:  I can see already that the Xbox and I are going to have a real problem this summer. He’s just too tempting and sucks all the life and time out of my eager children.

The good:  We have no routine, which feels freeing and fun. It’s all possibilities!

The not so good:  We have no routine! It’s up to me to find ways to engage these people in activities that hopefully don’t involve a screen.  Everyone’s going to bed at crazy hours. “Who cares how late we stay up, mom? It’s summer!”

Summer fun

The good: I loved cuddling with Eli in bed this morning and planning the day together. I won’t eat as many meals alone and I have buddies on my errands.

The not so good:   They’re all in my bidness.  It’s difficult to get work done. During the school year they do their thing and I do mine, and usually they don’t give a hoot about where I am in the hours they don’t see me.  Now they’re complaining about everything we have to get done and want a say in the plan.

The unexpected:  On my run this morning I heard a sad Sheryl Crow song and got choked up. As I held back tears, I realized that I had been stifling them since yesterday.

Summer is my favorite time of year. I love being with my kids more– despite my facetious complaining– and enjoying free, unstructured time.  But the beginning of summer, also means the end of another school year.  Jacob only has one more year of middle school , Aden is almost done with grammar school, and Eli will never be in first grade again.

Summer starts

All three boys refused to get sentimental about leaving their teachers and classmates, so maybe I was feeling it for them. Or maybe I just hate how little control I have over time.

Instead of rejoicing the beginning of summer, I’ve been a bit mellow. I guess all I can do is try to appreciate the good right now.  I know I’ll look back and be glad I did.

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Frustrations of a soccer mom

Posted on June 19, 2013 | 1 comment

My boys  (13, 10, and 7)  are good athletes and love to play sports.  My older boys have played on travel soccer and baseball teams for many years so we are versed in the politics and turmoil of team sports. As the level of play increases, so does the intensity of the kids and parents.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a fan of my kids but not a sports fan, and hardly an athlete. I don’t share the same vested interest and passion of many of the families we encounter. No one is more fervent about sports than Wilson, but– to his credit– he’s able to remain extremely calm and reasonable when it comes to our boys’ athletic endeavors.  He cares about winning more than he admits, but at the end of the day, he wants them to improve their skills and enjoy playing more than anything else.

During the 2011-2012 soccer season,  our 10-year-old son, Aden was a solid contributor to his travel team. But when he tried out in May of 2012 for the 2012-2013 year, he didn’t make the team he had played on and was moved to another team.

kids playing soccer

We were disappointed and frustrated by the way the team organizers mishandled the process and communication involving several kids, not just mine. We honestly didn’t care as much about the level of play Aden would experience on the new team, as much as that all of his close friends remained on his old team.

Aden’s first reaction was to quit. Soccer isn’t his favorite sport, but he’s fast and aggressive and has good instincts and skills.  We’ve been told by many parents and coaches that he’s a good player so it seemed imprudent to stop playing a sport in which he had potential to excel.

We also didn’t like the idea of letting him quit when things got hard. After much coaxing, conversation, and a push from his influential big brother, Aden agreed to play on the new team.

While he did well on the field, we had a rough time getting him excited about playing soccer.  I was proud of the way he soldiered on all fall, accepting new coaches and missing his friends to goof around with at practice. But by the spring, he was done.

Kids playing soccer

He didn’t enjoy going to practice and didn’t even care much about the games. We told him he had committed to his team and could not quit in the middle of the year. We also suggested that if he worked hard, he could probably play on the team with his friends again next year, which motivated him to continue.

He played hard in games, and only missed a few practices. Although he dreaded going, I felt okay pushing him because when he came off the field he was always invigorated and confessed he had fun.

When tryouts began a few weeks ago for next year’s team, I was nervous. My hope was that he made whatever team would get him to love the sport again.

As it turns out, at least 7 boys from his old team– including most of his friends– and several kids from his newer team have decided to play for various club teams in other towns, which they say offer better training.  There were once 3 teams for his age group, but the program imploded and now there’s only one.

When he heard this, Aden’s reaction was matter-of-fact and emotionless.           It’s over.

kids soccer in rain

Aden not playing soccer will make my life a lot easier: less scheduling issues, carpools, and equipment. I’ll have more time on the weekends and won’t have to  argue with him about going to practice.  He’ll have more play dates and down time. He could even expand his horizons and take on an instrument, which we’ve wanted to try.

So why am I so disappointed?

It’s difficult to watch your child give up something he’s good at. I’m not big on quitting, and it just seems like a waste. I hope he doesn’t regret the choice later, when it may be too late to catch up.

I know it’s probably time to hang up his cleats. This could be a turning point in his life when he discovers something he enjoys more than soccer.

Both Wilson and I tend to agonize over decisions– many smaller than this one.  I can drive myself crazy with uncertainty and fear of remorse. But Aden has always been his own person, rarely influenced by people or drama around him. I envy that.

Quitting soccer was not a difficult choice for him. He’s already moved on. I guess I just have to catch up.

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An epic school program

Posted on June 12, 2013 | 1 comment

Is there anything better than seeing your child light up when he talks about learning?

I was elated when my 10-year-old son, Aden, came home raving about a project at school.  He and fellow 4th graders participated in a 2-week artist-in-residence program called “SpiriTree,” that combines art with literature, culminating in a performance on the last day.

Artists Marco Giammetti and Carol Hendrickson worked with students at Aden’s school for two weeks, meeting with each class separately.

Spiritree artist in residence program

The goal of the program is to choose a theme that coincides with the language arts curriculum, and tell a story with giant paper mache puppets, created by the kids. Other themes have included mythology, the Renaissance, and people with challenges.  This year the students read and recreated the story of Homer’s The Odyssey.

In the first week, the kids got dirty pasting, crafting, and painting the main characters of the story into paper mache puppets.

Spiritree artist in residence program for kids

I volunteered to help and it was amazing to watch the figures morph from crumpled newspapers and masking tape to enchanting works of art.

Spiritree artists in residence program for kids

Polyphemus, Poseidon & Serces

Polyphemus, Poseidon & Serces

I was impressed by the attention to detail on the puppets and props. As they worked on each piece, they learned about what it was like  to travel, eat, dress, and communicate in Odysseus’ time.

Spiritree artist in residence program for kids

The kids and the artists worked with teachers in the second week to write a script to relay the story of the ancient Greek tale, with both human and puppet performers.

Spiritree artist in residence program for kids

The famous Trojan Horse

Each student had a part in the show, which they put on for parents and fellow students at the end.

Spiritree artist in residence program

The show was terrific, and an impressive feat considering they had less than a week to put it together. Narrators read the script while other kids acted out the parts or worked the giant puppets.

Spiritree artist in residence program for kids

I’m sure the story of Odysseus is imprinted in their minds after immersing themselves in such a creative way.

Spiritree artist in residence program for kids

The teachers said the students were engaged throughout the process and it was clear from the show, that they all took pride in their part.

Spiritree artist in residence program for kids

The”SpiriTree” program is not cheap, but our school’s PTA board sets aside money in the annual budget for this and other cultural arts experiences that add an important dimension to students’ education. Steep budget cuts often put the onus on parents to find innovative ways to enrich our kids education, despite shrinking resources.

So keep buying those raffle tickets and attending those fundraisers! I say they’re worth every penny.

 Click for more about SpiriTree. 

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Letting go: when a spoon is not just a spoon

Posted on June 2, 2013 | 2 comments

I was rinsing dishes recently and came upon this Babar spoon. I can’t even remember where we got it but we’ve had it since Jacob was a baby. He’s now 13.

Look at it.

Letting go mourning kids growing up

Poor Babar is still wearing his green suit, but his trunk has been amputated and he’s lost part of one floppy ear. The paint is chipped and the spoon is too short and bulky for big boys’ hands to eat anything except maybe ice cream.  Eli (7) still uses it, but my older boys (10 and 13) wouldn’t be caught dead slurping cereal with our old friend Babar.

I should probably throw him away.

But every time I ponder it, I feel a pang of sadness. So instead I gingerly hand wash and dry him, and place him carefully back in the drawer.

Letting go of Babar is a symbol that that phase of my children’s lives is over. Plastic cups with adorable characters like Babar, Mickey Mouse, and Dora have been replaced by ugly big gulp mugs emblazoned with sports teams, and grown up glasses.

Seeing Babar’s little yellow crown reminds me of the hundreds of times I made goofy faces and noises to coax just one more bite of Yo Baby yogurt into my boys’ mouths as they squealed in the high chair.

kids grow up too fast

I don’t have anyone to feed anymore.

kids grow up too fst

In many ways, that’s good.  It’s a relief not to have to do everything for my kids now. It’s independence….it’s growth. There are many gratifying benefits to the boys getting older.  I have amazing, mature conversations with them about current events, people, feelings, philosophy, as I watch them evolve into young men with their own interests and opinions.

I can drop Jacob off in town to eat dinner with friends and go to a movie I’d rather not see.  Curious 10-year-old Aden reads books about weird and wacky animals on his own.  Even 7-year-old Eli can tie his shoes and get dressed in the morning (ok, it takes him 35 minutes but it’s still progress!)

kids growing up too fast

It’s all exciting and wonderful and I’m grateful for the privilege to watch them grow.

But sometimes, when I look at Babar… or the Pokemon cards no one will ever pick up again…or the extra-large fire engine puzzle collecting dust….or the scores of stuffed animals that rarely get attention, it makes me a tiny bit wistful.

Like Babar– king of the elephants– I hope to never forget what it felt like to be the mommy of little boys. Maybe the key is not to be attached to objects, but only to memories.

That sounds nice. But Babar still has his spot in the silverware drawer.

Wilson’s not sentimental so that spoon will probably get thrown away at some point. I’m sure I’ll be fine when he’s gone, but I won’t be the one to toss him.

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Smells like teen spirit

Posted on May 21, 2013 | 2 comments

My oldest son, Jacob, recently turned 13.  Since he’s my first, I’m always excited to see what each stage of development will bring. By the time my middle son gets to a new phase, I have some experience and can prepare for parenting challenges.

My 7-year-old is not allowed to grow up at all, as far as I’m concerned.  Every time he hits a new phase, I mourn the last one. I still tuck him in every night when he’s asleep, stroke the velvet skin on his cheeks, and breathe in his sweet smell.

There’s no sweet smell coming  from Jacob’s room. The pungent odor of sweat and feet that lingers in there keeps my visits short. He likes it that way, because then I can’t nag him about the mess.

There are other teen behaviors emerging. He eats more and sleeps later.  He spends more time in his room, on his phone and iPad. All developmentally appropriate signs of maturing that I can accept.

What I can’t stand is  “whatever, Mom.”

Typical teen behavior

Jacob has slipped into the inevitable yet loathsome phase of believing that every member of his family is a dunce. He barely listens to our conversations, unless they’re about him– because we are clearly not worth his time.  When he does grab a detail he deems worthy of his attention, if he doesn’t approve, he snarls his lip, squints his eyes, and cocks his head.

He stares incredulously with contempt and I can only think he’s wondering how he could be related to people so moronic.

When we tell him to do something– anything, really– from flipping a light switch to completing a term paper– he sighs loudly and shrugs so deeply I’m surprised he hasn’t injured his shoulders.  We’re such a burden, I don’t know how he tolerates us.

When we don’t agree on a given subject– say, my objection to his 20-minute showers or staying up late on school nights– his teen-ism comes out in ugly force.  He argues, gesticulates, exaggerates, and then rolls his eyes and grumbles “whatever, whatever, whatever!“

It makes me want to take my widest, heaviest All-Clad frying pan right to that sweet, boyish face.

I know this is the classic pubescent role. I know it’s just a phase. I know it’s not about me. Sometimes I remember all that and laugh it off. But if I’m short on sleep and/or patience, that whatever can send me right over the edge.

I still see glimpses of my little boy… and of the amazing  young man I know he will become. When we can pry him away from his friends for more than a few hours and he settles into our family dynamic, he turns human again. It’s almost like the teenishness melts and we can see the soft center inside. It’s comforting to know he’s still in there.

Many of you who have teenagers or raised them already are thinking I should buckle up, it’s going to be a while.  And before I know it, he’ll be out of the house and I’ll be wishing he was home, even if only to talk back. I know that.

One of the many great things about Jacob is that he’s a busybody and a talker. So far, despite his teen inclination to withdraw, he still winds up telling me stuff.  The less interested I act, the more likely he is to spill, which often leads to a carefully choreographed dance around each other until the truth comes out. I hope we never get to the point where he completely shuts me out, so I’m working overtime to stay calm and aloof whenever possible.

It’s also nice that he still needs me for rides, clothes, and spending money. Every once in a while when he’s sweet-talking me into one of his grand plans, I make him squirm before I comply. Sometimes I even shrug my shoulders dramatically and say ….“whatever.” 

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Mom’s top 7 best baseball benefits

Posted on May 3, 2013 | 5 comments

My back door hallway is littered with bat bags, cleats, and helmets and there are clumps of dirt on the floor.  My minivan is overflowing with half empty Gatorade bottles, undershirts, and hats. Saturdays are packed with games and my back is killing me.

It must be baseball season.

best things about baseball dugout

My boys (7, 9, and 13) love the game, but no one is as giddy to hear the national anthem and “Play ball!” as Wilson.  His favorite time of year has him rushing home a few nights a week to coach third base, even if he has to do it in dress shoes and a buttoned-down shirt.

I must admit– after having no baseball experience in my life before becoming Mrs. Wilson– I was wary of the huge time commitment and long days on the bleachers. But I’ve come around.

Each of my boys plays a minimum of 2– maximum of 4– games per week so that’s at least 50 innings in my canvas chair by the dugout (those bleachers are murder on the lower back!)  We eat like crap several nights a week and weekend plans are almost impossible with the ever-changing game schedule.

But there are benefits to being a baseball mom…..

—Parade  One of my favorite baseball traditions is our town opening day parade. All the Little League kids gather in their primary colored uniforms (before half lose their hats)  and raise team banners as they march through town. There are a few speeches and someone sings the national anthem and — even though we live only 16 miles from New York City– I always feel like I’m in Mayberry.

best things about baseball parade

—Bonding family time   Between school, sports, and work, we’re often running in different directions. Baseball grounds us as a family. We pile in the car and trek to a field to settle in for hours. Sure it’s a time suck, but there are few activities that bring us together the way baseball does. 7-year-old Eli makes himself right at home in every dugout– his or his brothers’– and 9-year-old Aden and 13-year-old Jacob usually find another player’s sibling to have a catch or play tag.

—Social outlet   My boys play rec and travel baseball so we’re playing from April until August and the families we’ve met along the way have enhanced our experience. I met one of my closest friends on the sidelines of a baseball game. Other friends I see only during the season, but we pick right back up where we left off. People bring friends, relatives and dogs to games so it often feels like a big family. Because we’re all a slave to the game schedule we gather at diners, the town pool, and barbecues all summer. Sometimes we get organized and bring cocktails and snacks to games and we become like a traveling circus, with food, animals, and tents included.

Best things about baseball family

—Forced outside time   There are worse things than spending a sunny day watching baseball. It beats cold and rainy soccer season and the smell of a basketball gym!

—Excuse to eat ice cream   Forget the peanuts and Cracker Jack,  our go-to treat is always ice cream. Whether it’s celebrating a win or soothing a loss, a Strawberry Shortcake from the ubiquitous truck or a double scoop of chocolate from the parlor, we don’t go more than a  few days without ice cream.

—Diversity of players    Unlike some other sports, you don’t have to be the fastest runner, or the strongest hitter to play. It’s a very forgiving sport at this level, so there’s a wider range of kids who participate.  There are plenty of boys who sit in the dugout discussing strategy and spewing stats as they wait for their turn at bat and find that as enjoyable as catching a fly ball.  Baseball is more inclusive and fun for kids, regardless of skill level, so it attracts a wider group.

Best things about baseball family

—Life lessons   Three strikes and you’re out, waiting for your pitch, it aint over til it’s over. Baseball teaches all of us– players, coaches, and parents– lessons about courage, cooperation, and endurance. I still marvel that my boys– even the little one– is willing to stand in front of a kid throwing a ball as hard as he can, and has the guts, skills, and timing to hit it.  Players are judged on individual talent but also have to work as a team, just like the real world.

I confess that by mid-July I’ll never want to see a baseball again, and the sound of an ump calling strikes will make me cringe. But for now I’m excited about the season ahead: dirty uniforms, busy weekends and all.

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Soccer and sirens don’t mix: my trip to the ER

Posted on April 23, 2013 | 5 comments

So this happened this week.

bos sports injuries ambulance

My 13-year-old son, Jacob, was playing goalie in a soccer game and got injured punting a ball. When he flung his left leg into the air to kick, he says he heard something pop and immediately fell down to the ground. When he tried to get up, the pain was so severe he couldn’t move.

I was at the game with my 7-year-old, Eli, but Wilson was at 9-year-old Aden’s soccer game in another town.  I felt a sense of dread as I watched the coaches kneeling next to Jacob trying to assess the injury. I willed him to get up– as I have hundreds of times before– but when he didn’t, I jogged over to see him.

He was weepy and whimpering, grabbing his thigh and stamping his fist on the ground in frustration.

I felt helpless.

Jacob told the coaches that on a scale from 1 to 10, his pain level was a 9. When they asked to carry him to the sidelines to rest, he winced and said he couldn’t move. Although he was able to wiggle his toes and it didn’t look like any bones were out-of-place, none of us wanted to move him.

With Wilson gone, everyone was looking to me to decide whether we needed to call an ambulance.  Although I worried about whether it was necessary, I didn’t think we had any choice since no one wanted to move him off the field without knowing the extent of the injuries.

A policeman, a firefighter, and an EMT were at the field within a few minutes. The EMT checked his hip and legs and asked him many questions before gingerly putting him on the stretcher. When I looked over at the other parents,  I could feel their worry, which made my heart sink. My gut feeling was that he was fine, but the gravity of the situation was humbling. A bunch of thoughtful soccer moms gathered Jacob’s bag and my purse and many offered to take Eli. As I spoke to them, the conversation felt out-of-body and cloudy.

My friend, Tami, said she would take Eli in my car and meet us at the hospital while I rode with Jacob in the ambulance. It was a quick and quiet ride and although all the color had drained from his face and he looked like he was in pain, I could tell he was already feeling better. The emergency guys were so sweet and easy with him, they set a tone of calm that I needed in the surreal experience. (They were also very cute and in spectacular shape, but I digress.)

boys sports injuries hospital

My friend Tami stayed with us the whole time. She’s a keeper.

After about two hours in the hospital– spent mostly waiting– he had X-rays and pain medication and they determined he had no broken bones but likely strained either his groin or thigh muscle, or both.

We were grateful it wasn’t anything worse– especially since he just started spring soccer and baseball season. The hospital gave him crutches and told him to rest for a few days.

I was relieved. Jacob– like any normal teenager– was annoyed and frustrated that he can’t move easily or play sports with his friends and teammates.

It was my first time riding in an ambulance, but my boys have been in the hospital at least 6 times. I guess it’s par for the course with 3 active boys– but it’s not something I’ll ever get used to. Do moms of girls make as many visits to the ER?

That brief moment of worry and seeing really sick people in the hospital was a reminder of how lucky we are to have healthy kids.

One of the silver linings of the experience was how Jacob’s brothers rallied around him when he was hurt. On the way to the hospital, Tami told me Eli kept telling her to drive faster and was rubbing his hands together repeatedly muttering “Please, don’t die, please don’t die...”

She pulled over and explained to him that that was not going to happen and once Eli saw Jacob sitting up in the hospital, he felt much better. Aden rushed into the house as soon as he got home from his game and blew past me to get to Jacob’s side to make sure he was ok.

Despite the typical bickering, jealousy, and indifference, those boys love each other.   Sometimes it takes a strained muscle to drive that home.

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Posted in Joys of Parenting, My Little Jocks, What's Up Doc? Crazy Kid Emergencies

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Bar mitzvah weekend 2013: all the planning paid off!

Posted on March 28, 2013 | 3 comments

Last weekend we celebrated my oldest son, Jacob’s, bar mitzvah. It was the culmination of months of actual planning, but years of thinking about it.

Jake Bar Mitzvah March 23, 2013

I’m not sure why but I was never one of those girls who fantasized about her wedding for years before it happened.  I was more focused on finding someone. When it came to planning my wedding, my mother– who paid for most of it– took over and it had more of her stamp on it than mine. It was beautiful, tasteful, and a lot of fun, but it didn’t feel like me.

I’ve attended bar mitzvahs of friends’ kids for several years and gathered ideas for making a party that was fun and gave guests an idea of what our family was about. More work than I expected, and more worry than probably necessary, it was all worth it because it was an amazing weekend that was about family, friends, and Jacob.

We don’t have any family where we live, except for Wilson’s brother in New York, so we were grateful that many relatives flew in from Florida, California,  and Chicago to celebrate. The weekend started with 25 family members and a few close friends attending Shabbat services at our temple Friday night, followed by dinner at our house.  It’s humbling when people stop their lives and spend time and money to be with you to honor your child. Wilson and I were thrilled that so many people came.

I couldn’t eat or sleep in the days leading up to the big event. Initially I thought it was worry, but soon realized I was excited! How many times in your life do you have all your friends and family together for a good reason?

bar mitzvah logo

Sure I’m biased (and pardon my French,) but the consensus was that Jacob kicked ass at services Saturday morning. He knew his Hebrew so well, the rabbi gave him extra morning prayers to recite during the service. He led the congregation with poise and confidence and I was so proud I could have burst into song.  (Don’t worry– I didn’t.)

When a child becomes a bar mitzvah, they read a section of a sacred Hebrew scroll called the torah that includes the stories of Moses and the Ten Commandments. Jacob wrote a speech offering his interpretation of his torah portion and related it to modern life.

He also talked about his mitzvah project– volunteering to tutor and play with kids at a Newark youth center every week since July– which made him see the world differently. From his speech:

“At first, I was nervous because I wasn’t familiar with the environment or the people. But after going there for a few months, I realized that maybe I don’t live with the same circumstances, but we are all just kids, who hate homework, like to play games, and enjoy humor, sports, and junk food!”

Many kids do short-term mitzvah projects and I kept waiting for the day Jacob complained or refused to go to the Network. But to his credit, he went almost every week and because it became so familiar, he really enjoyed being a part of their day.

The kiddush lunch following Saturday’s service was a whirlwind and I don’t remember much. I was relieved that the hard part was over and elated that he had done so well. I think I ate a bagel, but I’m not even sure.

Jake Lefferts Bar Mitzvah March 23, 2013

Saturday night we hosted a cocktail party with catered food and dancing. We rented a local space– a room that looked a lot like my house with a big fireplace and great molding and windows.  I had a crew of friends help me decorate with holiday lights, lots of Jacob’s sports equipment and memorabilia, and photos of him everywhere. It felt like home.

I loved boogying with so many friends from all different parts of our lives, and watching the teenagers navigate the dance floor. But the highlight moments for me were the candle lighting, speeches, and video montage. Standing in front of his cool sports cake, Jacob called up the special people in his life to help him light 13 candles.  After watching other bar/bat mitzvah kids do the same ceremony, he was eager to honor his friends and family and grinned from ear to ear throughout the lighting.

Jake Bar Mitzvah

My speech was a lighthearted look  at what it’s been like to parent such a smart, manipulative, and self-possessed kid. Wilson’s was a wonderful message about tradition, punctuated by a moving letter Wilson’s grandfather sent to him for his own bar mitzvah which focused on pride and love. It solicited many “awwwws!”

I spent hours and hours and hours creating a video montage that captured Jacob and was original. It included lots of home video of his baby and toddler era and video I’ve taken this year of his friends and favorite people and places. It even has some sports star power.  I’ll post a YouTube link when I upload it in the next week.

When it was over, my feet were killing me from dancing in 3-inch heels, I was starving because I never ate a bite of the food I meticulously chose with the caterer, and I was sad that it went by too quickly.

But it was one of the happiest days of my life.

The best party compliments were when people said there was a lot of love in the room and that Jacob is a great kid.

Of course I knew that. But I wanted everyone at the party to feel it too.  That’s what made it a success.

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Posted in I'm a Sap, Joys of Parenting, Kids Birthday Parties

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