Category Archives: Modern Life

My kids are hounding me for a dog

Aden's a dog's best friend

Aden’s a dog’s best friend

Our family was dog-sitting this week for Wilson’s brother’s dog, an adorable mutt named Ranger.  (When he was a puppy, he had black spots around his eyes that looked like the Lone Ranger’s mask.) We’ve taken care of Ranger before, but each time,  the pressure intensifies to get a dog of our own.

I like dogs and know that it would enrich my kids’ lives if they had a pooch, but I didn’t grow up with one. My mother dislikes and fears most animals and my father chose not to fight that battle. Wilson didn’t grow up with animals either so we’re clueless and intimidated by the idea of adding a dog to our family.

My middle son, 9-year-old Aden, is my most challenging child. He acts tough, but can be sensitive and moody.  But he loves animals. Every book he has taken out of the library since kindergarten has been about animals.  When we visit friends, he gravitates towards dogs more than other kids. He instinctively knows how to talk to them, pet them, love them.

I’ve resisted getting a dog because my youngest, 7-year-old Eli, was still having accidents until about a year ago. After 12 consistent years of changing diapers and throwing away stained Batman undies,  I wanted at least one poop-free year.

Eli giving Ranger some love

Eli giving Ranger some love

Many of our friends have gotten dogs in the last few years. I’ve seen their adorable, floppy puppies attracting the attention of excited kids and swooning adults and felt the pang of desire.

Our Fido-loving friends can’t imagine their lives without them and I’ve seen them treat their dogs with the same concern and adoration (sometimes more) that they have for their kids. It’s sweet.

It also scares the crap out of me.

I think about the long walks in the freezing cold, the chewed up furniture and toys, and the neediness of a puppy in its first six months.

I have three energetic boys who don’t listen to a word I say and a husband to whom I don’t pay nearly enough attention. I work part-time in the city and part-time at home and I have several volunteer and house obligations.  Do I really want yet another living creature depending on me?

The kids say they’ll help with the responsibilities and I believe they want to. But the reality is I’ll be the main caretaker of the dog. The only way I would get a dog would be if we had a trainer or obedience classes because we don’t know the first thing about food, schedules, or behavior. But that’s more time and energy.

Aden and Eli walked Ranger many times this week and played with him a lot. But when the novelty wears off, will I be nagging them to take the dog out like I do to clean their rooms?

I loved the infancy and baby stage of parenthood so taking care of a puppy and being needed in that way is appealing to me. But I know there will be plenty of times I won’t feel like standing on the sidewalk for the thousandth time in 20- degree weather waiting for it to take a leak…or coming home early from a party because it’s been alone in the house too long…or worrying about it when it’s sick.

Ranger is over a year old but still pooped in our front hall at least 6 times this week and peed inside twice. I’m sure part of it is different surroundings and missing his own family, but sometimes dogs just poop on the rug.

I’m not so psyched about that.

While I would love to rescue a dog, Eli has allergies so we need a non shedding pup. With the wide range of breeds out there, I’ll need to do ample research to  choose the right dog for our family.

It sounds like I’m hesitating as I voice my anxiety, but I know it’s not a matter of if, but when for us. When I see Aden cuddling on the couch with Ranger I know he needs a dog. He’s actually better behaved and more relaxed with a dog around.

He’s one of those kids who feels things deeply but can’t communicate his needs. Being around animals brings out his best self and perhaps makes him feel an unconditional love and understanding he may not feel from humans, even the ones who love him most.

How can I deny him something that would be such a positive influence?

I’m sure all you dog lovers will say just do it! Anyone want to share stories about the challenges? What breeds would you recommend? Please educate and encourage me in the comments.

Good deeds are frosting on the cake

One of my oldest friends, Susie, celebrated her birthday last week. When her husband asked her what she wanted as a gift, she said she didn’t need anything but  would love to initiate 45 random acts of kindness.

Her husband dutifully sent an email to friends and family asking everyone to do a good deed for a stranger to help her celebrate. I loved the idea and got my kids brainstorming about what we could do to make someone’s day.

We happened to be in town for lunch so on our way home we stopped at our local theater and gave the ticket sales gal $20. We told her to tell the next two moviegoers that a benevolent stranger had already paid for their tickets. We suggested she tell the lucky recipients that it was a random act of kindness and encourage them to pay it forward.

random acts of kindness for birthday

The woman in the booth got a big smile on her face and eagerly agreed. Our gesture had made her happy too. Her excitement about participating  in our good deed showed my kids how easy it is to spread cheer with one small act.

Riding our altruistic high, we talked the whole way home about what other things we could do to help people. It was snowing pretty hard and many people were out-of-town for the holiday. We decided it would be nice to shovel the sidewalks and driveways of our two closest neighbors.

Random acts of kindness for birthday

Once my boys–  ages 7 and 9– (my 12-year-old was sick) started shoveling, they were having so much fun, they kept going all the way down the block. When we were finished, we had shoveled the sidewalks and driveways of 8 houses!

Birthday acts of kindness

We proudly sent an email to Susie with photos of our Samaritan adventures. Many of her friends had already replied with their own acts of kindness, which included:

–Buying a bunch of candy bars and handing them out to many delighted strangers.

–Buying lunch for a soldier and his wife and kids.

–Driving clothes and toys to Good Will

–Delivering Dunkin Donuts to all the employees at a bank

–Playing with dogs and making a donation in Susie’s name to an animal shelter

–Buying a drink for a stranger at a bar, leading to a nice chat

–Bringing cookies to an assisted care facility

The birthday girl herself bought 45 roses and handed them out to random people on the street who were thrilled.

I’m not sure if the list added up to 45, but all Susie’s friends and relatives who participated seemed as enthusiastic and rewarded by their tasks as we were. We all thanked her for the excuse to do something nice for others, just because.

As an adult, I don’t get a lot of presents anymore. Even people close to us don’t always have the time or money to spend on gifts. This was a gift that could fit any budget, with long-lasting effects.

Thanks Susie, for using your birthday to create a ripple of joy for the people who love you, and some you don’t even know.

 

 

2013 resolutions- real and unlikely

When you get to be of a certain age, many of us stop believing we can change. But I’m an eternal optimist and want to always believe I can do better. That’s why I try to make resolutions at this time of year. I figure if I speak or make a list of my intentions, I have a slightly better chance of following through with them.

Some years my pledges lose traction but in 2012 I was determined to achieve some professional goals before I get too old and obsolete. Last year I wanted to get a piece published on a big news site.  I got a gig reviewing books for the Associated Press and my reviews get picked up by ABCNews.com, HuffingtonPost, WashingtonPost, Yahoo, and several others.  I also started this blog and got a part-time job as an online news editor.

I have some more work goals I’ve been kicking around for years and haven’t been able to make happen.  Maybe if I say them out loud here, to you, I’ll be accountable to get my ass in gear.

2013 new years resolution

The first is to finish a story I’ve been working on to pitch to the New York Times. The well-written and thought-provoking “Modern Love” column that appears in the weekly Sunday Style section is one of my favorite essays. It would be a dream fulfilled to be published there. I know it’s a long shot as they receive thousands of entries and only choose 50 or so per year. But I can’t be considered if I don’t submit…. so this is the year I’m going to stop talking about it and actually do it.

The second is a screenplay idea I’ve been toying with for years but have been too intimidated to attempt to write. Wilson sweetly got me “Final Draft,” a fancy screenwriting computer program for my birthday so now I really have no excuse not to give it a go.

While I’m bearing my soul, I’d love to lose 10 pounds, get more facials, and sleep more. I’m going to try to put myself to bed right after the kids go down for just 2 nights a week, because it’s when I stay up watching TV or clicking my computer that I get into late night trouble.

I want to finally figure out how to use my SLR digital camera, instead of taking the easy way out with my digital “push-here-dummy” shooter. And while I’m on photos, I’d love to organize all my photos online and not be downloading six months worth at the end of the year.

But see now I’m getting crazy. I can’t achieve all these things in one year. There’s too much else to do. But maybe now that I’ve put them out there into the universe, there’s a better chance some of these resolutions have a shot.

Which ones do you think I’ll stick to? What are your resolutions? Tell me in the comments. Wishing you a happy new year and many realized resolutions n 2013!

Merry and bright: NYC holiday windows

NYC holiday windows

One of our family holiday traditions is to walk around Manhattan on Christmas Eve. We look at the city decorations, the famous 5th Avenue store windows, and the Rockefeller tree. Then we eat sushi.

This year it was cold and rainy on Christmas Eve so Wilson agreed to play chauffeur. We started at Barney’s on Madison Avenue and 60th Street and worked our way down 5th Avenue. When we got to a store, the kids and I would jump out to check out the windows while Wilson took a lap around the block.

I give you my pics of the best of 5th Avenue over the holidays……

Barneys NYC holiday window

Barney’s is always amazingly artsy, textured and wild but this year was a huge let down. Each of their windows was filled with video screens playing corny music and showing psychedelic colored lights. They called it “Electric Holiday” but to me it was anything but.

Bergdorff Goodman NYC holiday windows

Bergdorf Goodman did not disappoint with a magic theme that had 5 windows featuring gorgeous handmade designer dresses with edgy concepts. I love the textures and attention to detail. (Real enthusiasts see the BG windows blog for design details.)

Bergdorff Goodman NYC holiday windows

Bergdorff Goodman NYC holiday windows

Bergdorff Goodman NYC holiday windows

One was filled from floor to ceiling with white feathers of all kinds. Another had a giant performing seal made completely of mosaic tiles of grey and mirrored glass.

Bergdorff Goodman NYC holiday windows

Bergdorff Goodman NYC holiday windows

Yet another made the window look like the aerial view of a musicians’ party on a checkered floor, dressed in fabulous clothes, of course.

Bergdorff Goodman NYC holiday windows

Further down on 5th Avenue, we saw the amazing wrap around jewels at the Bulgari boutique….

Bulgari NYC holiday windows

Fendi NYC holiday windows

….and the sparkly belts and dripping icicles at the Fendi store.

Fendi NY holiday windows

Cartier was wrapped in a two-story bright red bow of light.

Cartier NYC holiday windows

We made our way to Saks but the crowds were huge and the windows not that special so couldn’t get any good photos of those. But did get one last shot of the Rockefeller tree as we whizzed by.

Rockefeller tree NYC holiday windows

Then we ended the night at Haru on the Upper West Side where I had a “Perfect Fantasy” roll and  a glass of wine. The kids cleaned their plates and — infected with holiday spirit– we had a fun family dinner.

Christmas Eve Sushi in NYC

Christmas Eve sushi dinner NYC

Hope you all had sparkly holidays filled with love and laughter!

Best 2012 year-end lists and photos, so far

Best Of 2012 graphic

I’m a huge fan of year-in-review pieces. Memorable TV moments, best books, funniest tweets…you name it– I love a good wrap-up list.

I scanned the interweb for some good ones you can peruse during this slow holiday week. Click on the links below to get to the lists.

If you like your refresher in one quick shot– USAToday.com has a 60-second year in review of news events with compelling photos. The site also has more photo reviews in sports, music and politics.

Yahoo has several roundups of events including a comprehensive  top 10 news stories of the year.

This was the year I became a Twitter addict. I’m not necessarily proud of it but I can’t seem to stop (#convert). Time magazine compiled a list of the best Twitter feeds of 2012 which is great for both newbies and those of us who are always looking for the best feeds to follow.

Another interesting  social media-related compilation is called Top 10 Lists-o-Rama, which details the most popular searches, people, and questions on Yahoo this year. You can see everything from top requested recipes to top song lyrics.

We lost some huge stars this year: Whitney Houston, Donna Summer, and Dick Clark to name just a few. To remember them all, check out this slide show of notable deaths of 2012.

Sports fans will like ESPN’s photo gallery of the best of the Summer Olympic Games, and animal lovers should view NBC’s Today show’s list of 12 most liked animal stories of 2012.

Of course best pop culture lists are completely subjective. I watch only 4 and a half of the shows list in this Huffington Post list of 2012’s top 10 best shows.  My DVR is at least half on track.

Entertainment Weekly’s best books of the year made me want to fill up my Kindle and if you’re into music, Spin.com has a robust array of best of lists. I browsed through the top 50 albums and had not even heard of most of the artists so I’m out of my element there.

Many of the major news outlets have not published their year-end lists yet so I’ll be looking for more this week. Please let me know in the comments if you see any other lists or pieces worth a look.

Holiday frenzy by the numbers

Who has time to blog when there’s so much to do at this time of year?! Hanukkah is over for us but holiday duties persist. It’s crazy when you think about everything we do.

With the few minutes I have in between thankless tasks, I offer you my holiday season stats…..

Online gift transactions:    12  (Amazon and Modells were big ones)

Instore purchases:     4  (school book fair, Nordstroms, local shops)

Trips to the mall:     1

Hours shopping online:      1 million      (feels like it anyway)

Presents wrapped:     50-60     (with paper cuts to prove it)

Gifts received:   1         (Thanks Papa Pat!)

Charitable acts:    3

Family photo calendars created and mailed:   10

Cookies, brownies, Rice Krispies treats baked:    132   (including 12 I accidentally burned and saved for family only)

holiday cookies busy time

Holiday parties attended:       5

Teacher gift bags created:      11

Snacks/drinks delivered for kids’ school holiday party:      26

Holiday card and thank you tips provided:     5

Photo holiday cards made:     160

Photo holiday cards addressed:     24

Photo holiday cards mailed:      0    (I better get on that!)

keepcalm carry on ornament holiday stress

What are your holiday stats?   Tell me in the comments.

Should my 12-year-old be on Facebook?

My 12-year-old son, Jacob, has been nagging me about getting a Facebook page and/or Google Plus account. He also says instead of holiday presents, he wants AT&T gift cards so he can purchase a smart phone.

facebook logo

I don’t know where I fall in the scale of leniency, but on occasion I let him stay up late, watch some inappropriate movies, and eat crap. He walks to and from school every day and often to town, the park, and his friends’ houses without an escort. He’s always been responsible and reliable so I’ve continued to loosen the reins.

But kids engaging in cyberspace freaks me out.

I see no good reason for him to have access to the internet on his phone, when there’s no adult to monitor his activity. The only places he says he visits are ESPN.com, his fantasy team stat pages, and YouTube. He can do all that at home with an adult present.

Part of my argument is that he’s already playing XBox, watching sports and other TV, and texting. I don’t need his face glued to another screen.  The other issue is I don’t want him engaging in social media at this age.  He’s a kid who loves playing football in the park with his brothers or hanging out with a bunch of friends in town– you know, human engagement.

I’m afraid if he starts connecting with other kids online, he’ll get sucked into that culture, which too often chooses typing over speaking, and posting pictures over being in the moment.

google plus logo

I’m not naive. I know he’ll be on social media soon enough.  It’s a fact of life in high school. But right now, in 7th grade, I see no grounds for it. I don’t believe he will be missing out or ostracized socially for not having a Facebook page or an iPhone. He’s an extremely likable and social kid. He can still text friends on his simple phone. In fact, I argue it may make him more mysterious and desirable to the girls he wants to attract.

A local policewoman who specializes in cyber crime came to speak to a community group of seventh graders recently and I listened in. She opened the talk with a story about a 14-year-old kid who friended another teen on the social network Tagged.com. The two became gaming friends and sent messages to each other through the site. After several months, the teen invited his new friend to his house. When he opened the door, his “friend” wasn’t a kid, it was an adult male who pushed his way into the apartment and beat and sexually assaulted him.

Horrifying. But real.

The officer told several anecdotes with the point that once you start engaging — whether on a phone, via email, or on a social networking site– you are trackable and there is a record of your activity. The more details you reveal online, the easier it is for people (with good and bad intentions)  to find you. And, every time you engage, you’re at higher risk of creating a permanent online profile that you might regret later.

Kids are under the impression that if you delete something, it’s gone forever but this cop said that’s just not true. Her job is to uncover information that may have been deleted, but still exists.

Should my 12 year old be on Facebook

The officer also discussed cyber bullying, especially on sites like Facebook and Google Plus. Last year at least 1 million kids were cyber bullied on Facebook alone. She recommended not friending anyone you don’t know, which sounds obvious to adults but not to kids who want to have a high friend count. She also warned that many of the harassment complaints she sees originate from fake Facebook pages.

Her advice for parents:

Regularly Google your child’s name to see what comes up.

–Always use all privacy settings on social media pages.

–Report cyber bullying right away and print out evidence before it gets deleted.

–Never give away your power. Often if you (or your child) respond, you’re no longer a victim. If you don’t engage or argue, the bully loses. 

Unfortunately, cyber laws have not caught up to technology so often harassment and misuse go unpunished.

I know we can’t protect our kids from everything, but I plan to keep mine off-line for as long as possible. Even if it’s just for another year or two. In the meantime, we’ll be discussing the dangers of online engagement and he’ll have to prove to me he understands the gravity before he gets the privilege.

I’m not very popular with Jacob right now, but that’s ok. When he finally wears me down and gets on Facebook, he’ll have to be my friend whether he likes me or not.

Sandy update

Our house is still without power. Still feeling lucky that we have no tree or water damage and we are all safe….but starting to get bitter! We are coooooooooold! And tired. And while we are so grateful for the many friends who have opened their homes to us freely, it’s hard to be a guest all the time and after a week, we just want our own space!

Today is my first day back at work and it actually feels good to do something normal and have unconditional heat. I literally looked at the lights in the bathroom with wonder and the glare hurt my eyes after a week of so much darkness!

My lovely friend Greg offered a spot in his car service this morning so we piled in at 6am and got to the city by 730am, which was not bad at all. My way home will be another  story as the buses and trains are not direct and will be jam packed with stranded Sandys.

 

Only one of my boys’ schools opened today. One school has no power, the other has too many live wires nearby. We are hoping for school tomorrow or Wednesday.  Kids also need routine back. They have been loving all the free time with friends, staying up late,  and I don’t think they’ve eaten a fruit or vegetable in days.  But the more school we miss, the less breaks they get later and it’s time to get back to structure.

I saw someone posted on Facebook two funny lines that rang true for me this week:

“Tonight we’re going to party like it’s 1899!”

and

 

“Will insurance cover the damage to my liver as a result of Hurricane Sandy?”

Indeed we have been drinking every night by candlelight. It’s been fun and social and bonding in many ways, but after a while even that third glass or Pinot can’t warm you up or make you feel safe!

I can’t believe the election is tomorrow and I’ve missed so much storm and election coverage. I HATE being unplugged.  I miss TV and the internet!!

Those are my initial thoughts. Sorry for roughness of this post but I’ve got to leave the office to begin my long trek home. I’m wearing a minimum of four layers of clothing and lugging around iPad, phone and rechargers so I’m prepared for whatever the night brings. We likely have to sleep at a friend’s tonight because the house is officially so cold it’s unsafe for the kids. Send positive energy towards NJ that we all get power and peace soon!

Will post again when I get back online.

Hope you are all safe and warm or will be soon!

 

 

 

Sandy’s top 7 silver linings

Oh Sandy.

I’m writing this post from a friend’s house because we haven’t had power since Monday evening. It’s barely been three days but feels like three weeks. Our town was hit hard enough to knock down scores of giant trees and cause some major damage, but there was little rain here so we are extremely fortunate to have no water or tree damage at our house.

I’ve only been able to see snippets of the news but from even the little I’ve seen, there are so many whose homes and businesses have been destroyed, I would feel like a heel to complain at all.

There are quite a few obvious drawbacks to not having power. The most challenging for me is our house getting increasingly colder as the week drags on. I wear a minimum of 4 layers and try to keep moving. Wilson is feeling antsy about missing so much work. The kids have been troopers but they get stir crazy in the evenings and have been stomping on each other’s last nerve about every 20 minutes when stuck inside.

But despite those petty grievances, I’ve been trying to stay positive because it could be SO much worse. So this post is about all the positive results of living through one of the worst storms in U.S. history.

Time with family and friends— It’s so rare these days that we get to spend this much time together. School and activities have been canceled and we weren’t able to get to work for days so there’s no rushing. We’ve had to conserve phone juice so that’s put a limit on talking and texting. That just leaves time to read, relax, clean, and play board games. We’ve spent every night with friends, eating what’s left in the fridge by candlelight and drinking wine by the fire. We’ve been able to reach out and see friends we normally wouldn’t because everyone’s plans are on hold and there’s time to check in.

Sleep — I can’t tell you the last time I’ve gotten more than 8 hours of sleep for several days in a row. Even on vacation I manage to stay up late. But with no power, TV and the computer can’t tempt me. There’s no incentive for the kids to be up late when it’s so dark and everyone’s going to bed, so we’re huddling under the covers early and staying in bed later in the morning. I can already see lines on my face disappearing! Now if I could only continue this sleep pattern in real life.

Cleaning out the refrigerator — It’s an odious job and you never know what you’re going to find. This week we’ve been forced to do some scary smell tests and stifle our aversion to waste by tossing more than I’d like. But we’ll have an immaculate fridge and a task I have pushed down on my to-do list for months is now complete.

Renewed sense of community— The morning after the power went out my friend Ilysse called to say she had power so we could come to her house and recharge, get warm, use wifi. We have spent time there twice and they could not have been more generous or welcoming. I also spent most of today with my friend, Meredith, whose son is one of Aden’s pals. We normally would never have had the time to spend an afternoon together chatting, but what a treat. In addition to the heat and technology hookup, she introduced me to a friend who is a fellow writer/blogger who I never would have met otherwise. Our town has power and the streets and restaurants have been packed with people– friends and strangers– asking about our status and willing to help if they can.

Back to basics playtime — The kids don’t have TV, the computer, or video games to distract them. They’ve been playing football outside every day, walking to town for lunch or a trip to the bookstore, and playing games at night. Because there’s no school I coerced them into mandatory reading hour every morning before they go outside. Interesting that they have not complained or cried boredom once. The only downside is too much time together so they have been fighting more than usual but overall, kicking it old school has been a success.

Survival skills — You never know how you’re going to react in bad circumstances. I’m proud that despite all the inconveniences, our family, friends and town persevered and made it work. Necessity is the mother of invention and we had to improvise a lot this week but we looked at it as an adventure instead of a burden and we are better for it.

Gratitude — I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thrown a light switch this week out of habit, forgetting we had no power…. or how often I realized we couldn’t complete a simple task without the internet. And as I stomp my feet around the house trying to get feeling back into my toes, I yearn for a warm house again. But then I think of the people who have no house or possessions at all. When the power goes back on, we will have a new appreciation for the things we take for granted every day.

I mourn with the nation for those who lost their lives and/or livelihoods due to superstorm Sandy. Once I plug back in I’m sure I’ll be obsessed with watching the coverage to try to catch up with all the tragic stories. But in our little corner of the world, the week was actually a bit of respite that made us realize what’s really important.

How did Sandy affect you? Tell me in the comments.

20121101-173618.jpg

<img src=”https://carpoolcandy.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/20121101-173640.jpg” alt

Bad karma: Parent warriors on yoga in school

I read a story this week about a controversy over teaching yoga to kids at a San Diego area school. Apparently some parents in the community are objecting to yoga classes as part of the curriculum because they believe it’s indoctrinating them into eastern religion.

Say what??

Beside the outrageous narrow mindedness of the argument, this story hits me where it hurts because I practice yoga and believe everyone should give it a whirl. Yoga literally means the union of body and mind and aims at achieving a healthy, strong, balanced body and a calm, clear mind.  Good goals for adults and kids, no?

This group of California parents has hired an attorney who sent an email to the school district demanding that the classes stop immediately, claiming they’re unconstitutional. While the lawyer says the district is using taxpayer resources to promote Ashtanga yoga and Hinduism, the district superintendent says they’ve removed any religious content from the twice-weekly classes and don’t intend to stop the program. (You can read the full story in the North County Times here.)

A newspaper columnist and school board member went and observed the classes and found the kids quiet, engaged, and having fun. The yoga classes are part of an enrichment program at the school that started three years ago and has been targeted as so successful, it could become a national model.

A school official said the yoga classes allow kids to slow down during their busy school day and learn to breathe and calm themselves, especially when feeling social or academic stress.

Practicing yoga regularly can have life-changing effects that have nothing to do with how you worship.  Holding the poses stretches and lengthens your muscles, making you strong,  and promotes balance. The deep breathing and concentration helps quiet the mind and focus your thoughts and energy.

When I finish a yoga class, I feel calm and empowered. How could that be anything but positive for kids, especially during a school day?

I respect everyone’s right to religious practice and completely support upholding the separation of church and state in our schools, but the yoga practice going on at this school is not a threat to that.

Perhaps if these complaining parents could open their minds to new experiences, they would set an example for their kids of tolerance and understanding. They should look inward and start questioning their own dogma instead of fearing those who downward dog.