Soccer and sirens don’t mix: my trip to the ER

So this happened this week.

bos sports injuries ambulance

My 13-year-old son, Jacob, was playing goalie in a soccer game and got injured punting a ball. When he flung his left leg into the air to kick, he says he heard something pop and immediately fell down to the ground. When he tried to get up, the pain was so severe he couldn’t move.

I was at the game with my 7-year-old, Eli, but Wilson was at 9-year-old Aden’s soccer game in another town.  I felt a sense of dread as I watched the coaches kneeling next to Jacob trying to assess the injury. I willed him to get up– as I have hundreds of times before– but when he didn’t, I jogged over to see him.

He was weepy and whimpering, grabbing his thigh and stamping his fist on the ground in frustration.

I felt helpless.

Jacob told the coaches that on a scale from 1 to 10, his pain level was a 9. When they asked to carry him to the sidelines to rest, he winced and said he couldn’t move. Although he was able to wiggle his toes and it didn’t look like any bones were out-of-place, none of us wanted to move him.

With Wilson gone, everyone was looking to me to decide whether we needed to call an ambulance.  Although I worried about whether it was necessary, I didn’t think we had any choice since no one wanted to move him off the field without knowing the extent of the injuries.

A policeman, a firefighter, and an EMT were at the field within a few minutes. The EMT checked his hip and legs and asked him many questions before gingerly putting him on the stretcher. When I looked over at the other parents,  I could feel their worry, which made my heart sink. My gut feeling was that he was fine, but the gravity of the situation was humbling. A bunch of thoughtful soccer moms gathered Jacob’s bag and my purse and many offered to take Eli. As I spoke to them, the conversation felt out-of-body and cloudy.

My friend, Tami, said she would take Eli in my car and meet us at the hospital while I rode with Jacob in the ambulance. It was a quick and quiet ride and although all the color had drained from his face and he looked like he was in pain, I could tell he was already feeling better. The emergency guys were so sweet and easy with him, they set a tone of calm that I needed in the surreal experience. (They were also very cute and in spectacular shape, but I digress.)

boys sports injuries hospital

My friend Tami stayed with us the whole time. She’s a keeper.

After about two hours in the hospital– spent mostly waiting– he had X-rays and pain medication and they determined he had no broken bones but likely strained either his groin or thigh muscle, or both.

We were grateful it wasn’t anything worse– especially since he just started spring soccer and baseball season. The hospital gave him crutches and told him to rest for a few days.

I was relieved. Jacob– like any normal teenager– was annoyed and frustrated that he can’t move easily or play sports with his friends and teammates.

It was my first time riding in an ambulance, but my boys have been in the hospital at least 6 times. I guess it’s par for the course with 3 active boys– but it’s not something I’ll ever get used to. Do moms of girls make as many visits to the ER?

That brief moment of worry and seeing really sick people in the hospital was a reminder of how lucky we are to have healthy kids.

One of the silver linings of the experience was how Jacob’s brothers rallied around him when he was hurt. On the way to the hospital, Tami told me Eli kept telling her to drive faster and was rubbing his hands together repeatedly muttering “Please, don’t die, please don’t die...”

She pulled over and explained to him that that was not going to happen and once Eli saw Jacob sitting up in the hospital, he felt much better. Aden rushed into the house as soon as he got home from his game and blew past me to get to Jacob’s side to make sure he was ok.

Despite the typical bickering, jealousy, and indifference, those boys love each other.   Sometimes it takes a strained muscle to drive that home.

Making tracks: a runner’s playlist

Last week while on vacation in Florida I went running by myself.  At home I have a running partner, my friend Holland, whose drive to exercise always gets me over my desire to sleep late on weekends or avoid my sneakers altogether. Neither of us are goal-oriented runners, we just like to get in our 4-5 miles at whatever pace makes it easy for us to gab.

While I didn’t have trusty Holland on spring break, I was motivated by being in a bathing suit most of the week. But I’m no Forrest Gump, so if I don’t have a partner, I need tunes.

ipod best running playlist

When I dusted off my iPod and gave an old playlist a whirl, I realized how much I missed running to music and how empowering and meditative it can be.

We were visiting my mother who lives in one of those pristine gated communities with long stretches of golf courses and palm trees. It’s beautiful, but not compelling or distracting scenery so I was able to really focus on the lyrics and all the thoughts buzzing around my head.

I’m always amazed at how hearing a song can instantly transport me to a different time and place and evoke familiar emotions each time I hear it. Then there are songs that have less meaning, but get my ass up a hill or my legs to the next corner, even though I’m hot and tired.

I thought I’d share some of my favorite, motivational songs from my running playlist.  They’re mostly pop songs but there’s some rap, country, R&B, and  even a show tune to spice things up. All of these will help you put one foot in front of the other, even when you think you can’t.

–“Go Ahead”/Alicia Keys

–“Aint No Other Man“/Christina Aguilera

–“Lose Yourself”/Eminem

“Elevation”/U2

“Are You Gonna Be My Girl”/Jet

“Harder to Breathe”/Maroon 5

“Last Name”/Carrie Underwood

“Stupid Girls”/Pink

“One” /Mary J Blige

“Stronger”– Kanye West

“Dance 10, Looks 3”/”A Chorus Line” original cast recording

“Red Neck Woman”/Gretchen Wilson

“Motivation”/Sheryl Crow

“Freedom”/George Michael

“Yeah”– Usher

“Sexyback”/Justin Timberlake

I’d love to hear what songs motivate you to exercise.  Drop your ditties in the comments. I can always use another excuse to keep me moving.

Best of TV: you go girls!

Although I’ve always prided myself on being a diligent student of pop culture, I find it increasingly difficult to keep up with TV these days.

I could sit on my couch for a week, watching all my favorite shows, and not feel like I was missing anything in the real world. I have actually fantasized about what injury or illness could befall me that would entail little pain but require convalescing in bed, with nothing to do but read and watch TV for weeks.  I hoard shows on my DVR for just such a scenario, but alas, I remain upright, and too busy living life to get to the bottom of the “my recordings” screen.

DVR keeping up with TV showsBeing a TV fan used to be more civilized. There were fewer channels and only one traditional season. I was able to preview most new shows and discern which were best to follow. But the TV landscape is like the Wild West now. Everyone gets different channels depending on their provider package. People watch series on their laptops and there are some shows now only available via the internet (I’ve heard House of Cards is amazing so in addition to 600 cable channels, now I have to get a Netflix subscription too!)

Even if I had more time to dedicate to TV, it’s almost impossible to be on top of all the great shows out there. But I work through my small screen stress by choosing wisely and watching what I can, one day at a time.

Here are three shows worth your valuable viewing time.  They’re well-written, quirky, and unpredictable. Is it a coincidence they’re all created by and starring women?  I think not. Chicks are getting more clout in Hollywood and that’s translating to better TV.

HBO's Girls girl power shows

Girls:  I’ve hailed the talents of creator, writer, and actress Lena Dunham before and I’ll keep doing it until everyone has sampled her refreshing work.  I disagree with critics who claim season 2 was not as strong as the first one. There may have been some wacky plot points, but they only add to the show’s originality. Dunham has created 4 distinct, complex characters experiencing the angst, self-doubt, and loneliness common to all 20-somethings trying to figure out who to be. Like “Sex and the City” before it, “Girls” also uses New York as a character and anyone who has spent time in the Big Apple will feel waves of nostalgia. Each episode is like a mini movie that transports you to a believable place and time, and leaves you with thoughts and images to ponder.

New Girl girl power shows

New Girl:   First off, the show is LOL funny every week. There’s no laugh track and the dialogue moves quickly so there’s no traditional comedy pandering.  It’s about 3 20-something guys and a girl living in a loft in LA. Sounds like any one of a hundred shows that have appeared on-screen, but it’s the excellent writing and terrific acting that sell the characters. The show manages to be simultaneously hip and nerdy, with an underlying sweetness that pervades every episode. It also boasts one of the sharpest unsung characters in Schmidt,  and the absolute best sexual tension-filled storyline on TV right now. Jess and Nick make Homeland’s Carrie and Brody look like kids on a grammar school playground. If you’ve never seen the show, do yourself a favor and find it online or on Netflix and watch from the beginning so you can see their relationship bloom.

mindy project poster girl power shows

The Mindy Project:  This show had a strong pilot but then seemed to waver a bit mid-season. But I recently watched episodes On-Demand and rediscovered its charm. Mindy is an unlikely lead character, but that’s what makes her amiable. An accomplished doctor with a motley crew of hospital colleagues and  opinionated girlfriends, she’s in control of every aspect of her life except love. She’s a hopeless romantic who can’t get out of her own way. The show is full of irreverent pop culture references and digs on men, who seem to all act like dogs in Mindy’s presence. Mindy’s work family– several wacky supporting characters who both comfort and annoy her– are also good for laughs. While Girls can be heavy, TMP is lighter fare with high entertainment value.

The clever writing on all these shows gives the audience credit for being smart. I often have to rewind episodes of all 3 shows to catch a line I missed or laugh again at a droll throwaway.

I also love that the main characters are strong but imperfect women. None is conventional looking but all attractive in their own way, especially because they’re sassy, capable and not reliant on a man to define them.  Another common theme to their stories is the importance of friendship to women trying to get through a confusing time.

Let me know if you’re already a fan of any of these shows, or if I’ve convinced you to try one. You won’t be sorry. All three are worth the space on your DVR.

Blogger birthday bounty

One of the best parts of blogging is having a forum to vent about things that really irk me. Last summer I wrote a post entitled “Birthday wishes on Facebook are lame.”  (You can read the diatribe here.I got a lot of positive responses, but I’m sure there were even more people grumbling about it.

Facebook Birthday Wishes are Lame

Every day I see people offering birthday salutations on social media so I suppose I’m in the minority on this issue. I just find it amusing to receive 3-word birthday wishes from dozens of people you never speak to, because they saw it in the corner of their home page.

I said in the post that it’s my policy not to recognize birthdays on Facebook. I apologize in advance to friends, colleagues, former coworkers, people I knew in high school, my brother’s friends from high school, family friends I haven’t laid eyes on in 30 years, my kids’ friends’ parents, my parents’ friends’ kids…you get the point.

I will send you an email or give you a call. I may even send you a card in the mail if I get my act together.

I love me some birthday cake!

I love birthday cake!

This week I am celebrating a birthday. Here’s what I had to say in my previous post about that:

For those of you who want to hollah at me on my special day, I beg you to send me an email or give me a call. Don’t wish me a happy birthday on Facebook and think that if it’s followed by three exclamation points instead of one, I’ll know you really care.

Plus then I’ll have to send a big , fake “Thank you! I feel the love!” to all the slackers who contributed to the birthday comments. I hate that.

The best gift you could get me ….would be to comment on my blog. Then I’ll know you care enough to read the very best.

Rereading this, it sounds kind of bitter. I’m sorry for that, Facebook users. I’m generally a positive person but I also gotta keep it real.

If you’re reading this, you’ve clicked on my blog and that’s the best present. If you want extra brownie points, leave a comment! It’s like icing on the cake.

 

ESPN’s Mike Greenberg masters girl talk in new book

I like it when people surprise me.

When I chose a book by ESPN’s Mike Greenberg to review for the Associated Press, I figured it would be about his life as a sports journalist and family man. But that was his best-selling first book: “Why My Wife Thinks I’m an Idiot: the Life and Times of a Sportscaster Dad.”

Greenberg’s latest effort is a novel. Interesting, I thought. A guy who spends all day on a microphone at ESPN radio talking about guy stuff is trying his hand at fiction. I was intrigued, but maintained low expectations.

But Greenberg delivers.

all you could ask for mike greenberg book review

His first novel is told in the first-person voices of three women– between 28 and 40-ish– and he absolutely nails a feminine sensibility. His characters are relatable and his writing style is intimate, engaging, and often funny.

Unlike his co-anchor, Mike Golic, of their radio show”Mike and Mike,” Greenberg is not a former athlete-turned commentator. The author has a masters degree from the prestigous Medill Journalism school at Northwestern University and has covered sports for ESPN for more than 16 years.

So he has the potential for writing chops, but pulling off a story about three smart, strong-willed women facing huge life challenges is no easy feat. The first half of the book focuses on where the women (who don’t know each other) are in their lives and in the second half, they are all diagnosed with breast cancer. They meet on an online cancer support group and help each other cope with the realities of illness and facing mortality.

Mike Greenberg ESPN photo

The book is well-written and celebrates women, respecting all their complexities. It’s about friendship and finding meaning in your life right now.

Greenberg is married with two kids, and has a personal connection to the breast cancer storyline.  He was moved when his wife, Stacy, and other friends rallied around their friend, Heidi Armitage, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago. After Heidi died at 43, Greenberg and his wife started a foundation called “Heidi’s Angels” to support breast cancer patients.

Greenberg is also donating all the author proceeds of the book to the V Foundation for Cancer Research. So he’s a guy’s guy, a girl’s guy, and a nice guy.

What a pleasant surprise.

Read my review here and let me know if you would read the book. It’s a natural book club choice.

RHOBH season 3 recap: Hurry back now ladies!

My heart is heavy. I just watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last reunion show and I feel empty inside. Or maybe that’s my head that’s empty, after the show zapped my brain of all substance and goodness.

But that’s what guilty pleasures are for, no?

Although the reunion shows were unrelavatory and kind of blah, this was one of the most entertaining seasons yet. There were the usual over-the-top parties…and fabulous trips to Vegas, a California spa, and Paris– all punctuated by the usual catfights and backstabbing.  And the ladies never disappoint in the arena of clothes and makeup. I’d love to know how much each of their faces weigh. The eyelashes alone must carry poundage.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills addict

It’s interesting to watch how the alliances have changed each season. We’ll never know if it’s the nature of new friendships or the undeniable distraction of fame that strains their ties.

Unlike some of the other Housewife franchises, these broads are smarter and kinder, so they seem somewhat relatable. Until they get into the back of a limo taking them to a $100, 000 backyard mansion party to hobnob with Hollywood elite.

This season Camille was virtually off the show and Brandi was front and center. I loved seeing tall, leggy Brandi’s star rise among the ladies from white trash wanna-be to sought-after tough chick. She speaks her mind– often too much and for no apparent reason– but she’s not fake and that gets her points with the group and viewers.

I still don’t understand why she revealed the unknown secret about Adrienne’s family at the beginning of the season except to be bitchy. Then the dubious lawsuit threat put her in the vulnerable victim role for several weeks which won her sympathy. She can make and keep friends based on her dynamic personality and should keep out of people’s bidness next season.

One witch stirring the pot was not-quite-a-cast-member but certainly desperate housewife Faye Resnick. Remember her from the OJ days? That chiseled face has been rattling around 90210 for years and she wants everyone to know she’s still relevant. Every time she appeared on screen she created chaos, which makes me wonder how much she’s trying to “help” and how much she’s trying to carve herself a permanent role on the show.  I hope producers don’t give her the satisfaction. I say less Faye is the better way.

Kim and Kyle still struggle with their relationship. Kim got a new nose (not much different than old one frankly) and remains extremely fragile. I always have empathy for Kyle because she’s a pleaser– like many of us– and never wants to say the wrong thing, hurt someone’s feelings, get on a lady’s bad side. But that ambivalence has gotten her intro trouble and I don’t think Lisa will get over it anytime soon.

Lisa likes to assume the queen bee role in the show, and so far, she’s the only one with her own spinoff (although vapid Vanderpump Rules is unwatchable even for me.) The pink lady has the longest marriage recorded in Beverly Hills, the mansion and thriving business, and the rodent-sized Jiggy.  Life is all diamonds and rose’!

We saw less of Taylor this season which was just fine with me. Her look is so hard and yet she’s so soft and transparent in her need to measure up. Also needy and tough to watch is newcomer Marisa Zanuck. She married into Hollywood royalty and her husband seems adorable yet in too many episodes she’s complaining and eyeing the other side of the fence. Not cool.

In her last cowardly, passive-aggressive act, Adrienne didn’t show up for the reunion and has been fired from the show. I will cry no tears. You can’t believe everything you read but sounds like she was leaking false stories to the press and telling lies. Now she’s divorcing Paul (which seemed inevitable) and dating Rod Stewart’s 32-year-old son. Ick.

yolanda foster refrigerator

And then there’s Yolanda. I hated her at first sight. She is privileged, snobby, judgmental and condescending. The whole “my husband is king” bit was also a turn off. And let’s not even talk about her house with the matching glass sub zero fridges (one has its own Twitter feed with 10k followers! @YolandasFridge)

But that Dutch beauty won me over. She is no bullshit and I love her sense of style (white jeans! Hermes belts! appropriate cocktailwear!)  Sure, she’s a perfectionist with no tolerance for reality. But she has a good heart and a strong sense of self that I dig.

In the end, they are still women who have the same fears, insecurities, and selfish tendencies inherent to the gender, despite the size of their kitchens or bank accounts.

Bring on Season 4!

Making it personal: bar mitzvah decorating ideas

Ok, last bar mitzvah post (for now!)… but the others have been popular so apparently there’s a hunger for planning info…and/or people are just nosy and like to see what others are doing.

I get it!

This one focuses on decorations and how we tried to make the Kiddush lunch and evening party personal.

Bar mitzvah decorating, personalizing: Custom M&Ms

You can buy services for just about anything you want when planning a bash. In an effort to save money, I didn’t hire a party planner, or anyone to do flowers, décor, or favors. While I’m not crafty, I have some creative vision and enjoyed putting the party together on my own. The down side is the time and energy self-service entails. I was busy researching and ordering online, and borrowing or gathering items around the house for many weeks leading up to the event. The last two weeks required a lot of schlepping. But to me, it was all worth it.  (Wilson may have another story.)

If you’re interested in personalizing your party it might help to make a list of all the things your kid (or whomever is your guest of honor) loves. Jacob is a sports fanatic so that was an easy place to start.

Kiddush lunch personalizing:

I tried to stay basic for the lunch: white tablecloths—you can do paper or linens, depending on your budget—because they’re bright, classic, and everything goes with white. I bought plastic plates and cutlery from PartyCity.com  (they have great color variety) in chocolate-brown and had a roll of burlap ribbon and hardware store twine to accessorize. I bought hydrangea plants from Home Depot for each table, and took some home to plant and gave others to friends who helped after the party.

Bar mitzvah decorating personalizing cookies

Another way we cut corners was doing dessert ourselves, instead of including it in the catering package. (I could have skipped it altogether but I love sweets too much.) I got a “J” cookie cutter and made 5-dozen sugar cookies the week before the bar mitzvah and froze them so they stayed fresh. When several wonderful friends offered to help, I had them bake their favorite treats, which I displayed on my own platters and baskets from home. The wide variety of homemade desserts was a huge hit with guests.

One personal touch I added was ordering custom M&M’s with messages like  “Mazel tov,” and “Jacob 3-23-13.“  Another was this cool sticker gum with Jacob’s face on it that a friend made for us.

Personalizing bar mitzvah sticker gum

Since I had already endured the arduous task of gathering photos for the video montage, I also made a photo book of Jacob for guests to sign.

Evening party:

Think about who your kid (or party focus) is and bring that into the room.  My kid’s obsessed with sports so we took the sports team pennants hanging in his bedroom and hung them across one wall of the party space, punctuated by holiday lights. Maybe your kid is a big reader so you could use a pile of favorite books as centerpieces, or instruments for a music fan. Bringing items from your home (in good condition) can add ambiance and connection to a generic space.

Bar mitzvah decorating personalizing sports pennants

I went to an event-planning warehouse and bought fake wheatgrass and natural wood boxes, which I accessorized with our own sports balls as centerpieces. I had several of the football, soccer, and baseballs autographed by Jacob’s team members and the kids were excited to find their names at the party.  The centerpieces turned out well and it was all reusable stuff.

Bar mitzvah decorating personalized centerpieces

When we didn’t have enough centerpieces for small high top tables we used some of Jacob’s trophies with candle votives.

We used a ton of candles all over the room, which adds light and movement, and creates a cozy atmosphere. I also stole an idea from my friend, Jen, and repurposed pasta sauce jars to hold candles outside the club, which is a very Martha Stewart-y move if you have outdoor space.

Bar mitzvah decorating personalizing outdoor candle jars

Over the fireplace mantle in the middle of the room, we used family photos in frames from my living room. Photos are a great, easy and inexpensive way to personalize a room. You can use the frames you have at home or buy basic ones at Target or Bed, Bath, and Beyond and pop in pix from every year. Everyone loves adorable baby pictures and those awkward school shots.

Bar mitzvah decorating personalized photo canvases

I picked three of my favorite photos of Jacob—one with his brothers— and two with a sports theme and ordered framed stretch canvases to decorate the walls. The canvaslifestyle.com site was easy to use and now I have art to hang in his room or the basement.

We took bringing home into the space so seriously, we took Jacob’s bedroom door off the hinges and had everyone sign the back of it. It looks really cool in his room and brings back memories of the weekend.

Bar mitzvah decorating signing bedroom door

Try to gather ideas in advance if you can, so you have time to shop around for the best deals. I knew I wanted the custom M&M’s so I waited until the site had a holiday discount. I found coupons online and researched which companies had free shipping. I kept an eye out for Groupon-type promos and got a great deal on the photo canvases.  Although it can be a time suck, online research inspires creativity.

Bar mitzvah decorating friends help

I could not have pulled the room together if it weren’t for the help of my friends and family—especially my enthusiastic mother.  Many stayed up late stuffing favor bags, while others balanced on ladders to hang lights and photos.  Wilson gallantly loaded and unloaded the minivan countless times. It was a group effort that made “do-it-yourself” possible, and a lot more fun.  Shout out to my crew—thanks ladies!

Bar mitzvah decorating friends help

Hope you’ll be back for more in 2016!

Please ask questions and/or share your decorating ideas in the comments.

Bar mitzvah planning tips that won’t break the bank

As I mentioned in my last post, my oldest son, Jacob’s bar mitzvah was last weekend. Planning was daunting so I thought I’d offer some ideas I learned along the way to help anyone planning a bar mitzvah or other big event without a big budget.

My first piece of advice is to think outside the box when approaching planning. There can be pressure to “keep up with the Schwartzes” and do things just because you’ve seen everyone else following suit.

Resist the urge!

The purpose of the day is to celebrate your child so I tried to focus on the meaning of the milestone and making it personal.  I also needed to find ways to save money so that can also inspire creativity.

Invitations:

The invite sets the tone for the event. Printed stationary can be expensive, not to mention, calligraphy and postage. I decided I wanted to do an e-vite but with a twist.  PaperlessPost.com has beautiful invitations that are free for basic options, or very inexpensive for upgrades.  We had no problems gathering our guests’ email addresses, the site efficiently tracks RSVP’s, plus it’s the greenest way to go.

Bar mitzvah video invitation

Bar mitzvah video invitation

Keeping it personal, I created a PP evite and added a link to a video invite, starring Jacob. There were some invitees who had never attended a bar mitzvah so I saw this as an opportunity to educate people about the history and meaning of the ceremony. It was also a window into what Jacob’s all about.  Writing and shooting the video zapped a lot of my time but it was well worth the effort. My amazingly talented friend, Amy– who has a video montage editing business– put it together and added some funny and clever touches that made it a hit.

You can watch it here.  My favorite part is the surprise movie homage at the end!

Even if you don’t have the time or resources to do this type of video, you can shoot video on an iPad or even smart phone these days. Come up with something simple that suits your kid, sends a message, and makes people laugh.

Logo:

I wanted to make a logo for the party that would tie things together and say what the day meant to us. You might be able to make one yourself but art is not my strength so I researched designs online and had a graphic artist create our logo with words that summed up what the party was about:

bar mitzvah logo

I worked that logo baby. Knowing I would have paper goods instead of fine china and silverware at our Kiddush lunch and evening party, I ordered paper napkins with the logo from partyinnovations.com. I also made logo stickers, which I used on hotel gift bags for relatives, decorations, and favor bags for kids. I even put the logo on a $15 rubber stamp on rubberstamps.net and used it in several places, including personalizing thank you notes.

Is a logo necessary? Of course not!  But it added a personal touch to the party that made it special, and doing it yourself can save money on customized items.

Bar mitzvah logo rubber stamp for thank you notes

Favors:

Many hosts give out sweatshirts, jerseys, and t-shirts as favors for bar mitzvah parties, which are always popular with the kids. But how many hoodies and pj pants does a kid need?

We decided to change it up on favors and do a mitzvah (good deed) as a way to mark the joy of the day.  Each kid received a $10 gift card to CharityChoice, which they can use to donate to any of the 250 charities the organization supports.  Jacob appreciated the idea, but also wanted to give the kids something fun, so we compromised and also gave out a personalized zip drive with a recorded voice intro by Jacob and 15 of his favorite songs for kids to download.

Bar mitzvah creative favors

I hope the kids liked the favors as much as we enjoyed giving them, even if they couldn’t wear them to school on Monday.

Perhaps some of these bar mitzvah planning tips inspired your own ideas.  I’m working on one more post this week on decorating …and then I’ll shut up about it!

I’d love to hear any of your party ideas or questions in the comments.  I have two more boys to go (2016 and 2019!) so brainstorming is always welcome!

Bar mitzvah weekend 2013: all the planning paid off!

Last weekend we celebrated my oldest son, Jacob’s, bar mitzvah. It was the culmination of months of actual planning, but years of thinking about it.

Jake Bar Mitzvah March 23, 2013

I’m not sure why but I was never one of those girls who fantasized about her wedding for years before it happened.  I was more focused on finding someone. When it came to planning my wedding, my mother– who paid for most of it– took over and it had more of her stamp on it than mine. It was beautiful, tasteful, and a lot of fun, but it didn’t feel like me.

I’ve attended bar mitzvahs of friends’ kids for several years and gathered ideas for making a party that was fun and gave guests an idea of what our family was about. More work than I expected, and more worry than probably necessary, it was all worth it because it was an amazing weekend that was about family, friends, and Jacob.

We don’t have any family where we live, except for Wilson’s brother in New York, so we were grateful that many relatives flew in from Florida, California,  and Chicago to celebrate. The weekend started with 25 family members and a few close friends attending Shabbat services at our temple Friday night, followed by dinner at our house.  It’s humbling when people stop their lives and spend time and money to be with you to honor your child. Wilson and I were thrilled that so many people came.

I couldn’t eat or sleep in the days leading up to the big event. Initially I thought it was worry, but soon realized I was excited! How many times in your life do you have all your friends and family together for a good reason?

bar mitzvah logo

Sure I’m biased (and pardon my French,) but the consensus was that Jacob kicked ass at services Saturday morning. He knew his Hebrew so well, the rabbi gave him extra morning prayers to recite during the service. He led the congregation with poise and confidence and I was so proud I could have burst into song.  (Don’t worry– I didn’t.)

When a child becomes a bar mitzvah, they read a section of a sacred Hebrew scroll called the torah that includes the stories of Moses and the Ten Commandments. Jacob wrote a speech offering his interpretation of his torah portion and related it to modern life.

He also talked about his mitzvah project– volunteering to tutor and play with kids at a Newark youth center every week since July– which made him see the world differently. From his speech:

At first, I was nervous because I wasn’t familiar with the environment or the people. But after going there for a few months, I realized that maybe I don’t live with the same circumstances, but we are all just kids, who hate homework, like to play games, and enjoy humor, sports, and junk food!”

Many kids do short-term mitzvah projects and I kept waiting for the day Jacob complained or refused to go to the Network. But to his credit, he went almost every week and because it became so familiar, he really enjoyed being a part of their day.

The kiddush lunch following Saturday’s service was a whirlwind and I don’t remember much. I was relieved that the hard part was over and elated that he had done so well. I think I ate a bagel, but I’m not even sure.

Jake Lefferts Bar Mitzvah March 23, 2013

Saturday night we hosted a cocktail party with catered food and dancing. We rented a local space– a room that looked a lot like my house with a big fireplace and great molding and windows.  I had a crew of friends help me decorate with holiday lights, lots of Jacob’s sports equipment and memorabilia, and photos of him everywhere. It felt like home.

I loved boogying with so many friends from all different parts of our lives, and watching the teenagers navigate the dance floor. But the highlight moments for me were the candle lighting, speeches, and video montage. Standing in front of his cool sports cake, Jacob called up the special people in his life to help him light 13 candles.  After watching other bar/bat mitzvah kids do the same ceremony, he was eager to honor his friends and family and grinned from ear to ear throughout the lighting.

Jake Bar Mitzvah

My speech was a lighthearted look  at what it’s been like to parent such a smart, manipulative, and self-possessed kid. Wilson’s was a wonderful message about tradition, punctuated by a moving letter Wilson’s grandfather sent to him for his own bar mitzvah which focused on pride and love. It solicited many “awwwws!”

I spent hours and hours and hours creating a video montage that captured Jacob and was original. It included lots of home video of his baby and toddler era and video I’ve taken this year of his friends and favorite people and places. It even has some sports star power.  I’ll post a YouTube link when I upload it in the next week.

When it was over, my feet were killing me from dancing in 3-inch heels, I was starving because I never ate a bite of the food I meticulously chose with the caterer, and I was sad that it went by too quickly.

But it was one of the happiest days of my life.

The best party compliments were when people said there was a lot of love in the room and that Jacob is a great kid.

Of course I knew that. But I wanted everyone at the party to feel it too.  That’s what made it a success.

“i” anxiety

I’ve been addicted to a crackberry for about 10 years. I got my first one through work and resented it immensely because it required me to be connected all the time. But soon I crossed over to the dark side and couldn’t live without one, even after I quit that job.

In recent years, my blackberry has let me down. The web connection is slow and I have a persistent problem opening attachments. I have all my important memos stashed in my phone, as well as my calendar, which makes me dependent and vulnerable.

When we replaced our home desktop we got a Mac because so many said it was the best and the most user-friendly. That’s true and we’ve been very happy. But synching the blackberry with the Mac is an exercise in frustration. Last year during a particularly disastrous attempt to sync, I somehow deleted my calendar and notes completely, while doubling all my contacts .

hard to type on iphone

That’s when I technically cried uncle and decided it was time for an iPhone.

We have an iPad and iPods and the Mac desktop so it makes sense. My dream is to sync my calendar with Wilson’s to eliminate the dozens of superfluous scheduling emails we exchange each week, trying to make plans and ensure coverage on the kids’ activities.

I’m told the iPhone will solve all my problems. That sounds enticing, but what about the lack of keyboard? The blackberry is much more efficient for typing emails and texts. My pudgy fingers make sentences that lead the reader to believe  a toddler has commandeered my phone.

Will this annoy me so much that it’ll overshadow the 5G internet access and Siri’s eager-to-please services? Will all recipients of my written messages lose respect for me when I start texting nonsense? (You can read the best of funny autocorrect mistakes on www.damnyouautocorrect.com.)

iphone keyboard hard to type

Everyone I know who has an iPhone is in love and covets its magic. I’m intrigued.

Many say they hated the typing but eventually got used to it, but I’m skeptical. I’m considering purchasing a bluetooth keyboard attachment to avoid the impending aggravation and make my transition smoother.

I know it will be heavier and bulkier, but I carry it in my purse most of the time so  not sure that matters so much, and may be worth it.

Are you an iPhone convert? I’d love to know your thoughts on your transition and whether the keyboard is a good investment. Tell me in the comments.