RHOBH season 3 recap: Hurry back now ladies!

My heart is heavy. I just watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last reunion show and I feel empty inside. Or maybe that’s my head that’s empty, after the show zapped my brain of all substance and goodness.

But that’s what guilty pleasures are for, no?

Although the reunion shows were unrelavatory and kind of blah, this was one of the most entertaining seasons yet. There were the usual over-the-top parties…and fabulous trips to Vegas, a California spa, and Paris– all punctuated by the usual catfights and backstabbing.  And the ladies never disappoint in the arena of clothes and makeup. I’d love to know how much each of their faces weigh. The eyelashes alone must carry poundage.

It’s interesting to watch how the alliances have changed each season. We’ll never know if it’s the nature of new friendships or the undeniable distraction of fame that strains their ties.

Unlike some of the other Housewife franchises, these broads are smarter and kinder, so they seem somewhat relatable. Until they get into the back of a limo taking them to a $100, 000 backyard mansion party to hobnob with Hollywood elite.

This season Camille was virtually off the show and Brandi was front and center. I loved seeing tall, leggy Brandi’s star rise among the ladies from white trash wanna-be to sought-after tough chick. She speaks her mind– often too much and for no apparent reason– but she’s not fake and that gets her points with the group and viewers.

I still don’t understand why she revealed the unknown secret about Adrienne’s family at the beginning of the season except to be bitchy. Then the dubious lawsuit threat put her in the vulnerable victim role for several weeks which won her sympathy. She can make and keep friends based on her dynamic personality and should keep out of people’s bidness next season.

One witch stirring the pot was not-quite-a-cast-member but certainly desperate housewife Faye Resnick. Remember her from the OJ days? That chiseled face has been rattling around 90210 for years and she wants everyone to know she’s still relevant. Every time she appeared on screen she created chaos, which makes me wonder how much she’s trying to “help” and how much she’s trying to carve herself a permanent role on the show.  I hope producers don’t give her the satisfaction. I say less Faye is the better way.

Kim and Kyle still struggle with their relationship. Kim got a new nose (not much different than old one frankly) and remains extremely fragile. I always have empathy for Kyle because she’s a pleaser– like many of us– and never wants to say the wrong thing, hurt someone’s feelings, get on a lady’s bad side. But that ambivalence has gotten her intro trouble and I don’t think Lisa will get over it anytime soon.

Lisa likes to assume the queen bee role in the show, and so far, she’s the only one with her own spinoff (although vapid Vanderpump Rules is unwatchable even for me.) The pink lady has the longest marriage recorded in Beverly Hills, the mansion and thriving business, and the rodent-sized Jiggy.  Life is all diamonds and rose’!

We saw less of Taylor this season which was just fine with me. Her look is so hard and yet she’s so soft and transparent in her need to measure up. Also needy and tough to watch is newcomer Marisa Zanuck. She married into Hollywood royalty and her husband seems adorable yet in too many episodes she’s complaining and eyeing the other side of the fence. Not cool.

In her last cowardly, passive-aggressive act, Adrienne didn’t show up for the reunion and has been fired from the show. I will cry no tears. You can’t believe everything you read but sounds like she was leaking false stories to the press and telling lies. Now she’s divorcing Paul (which seemed inevitable) and dating Rod Stewart’s 32-year-old son. Ick.

And then there’s Yolanda. I hated her at first sight. She is privileged, snobby, judgmental and condescending. The whole “my husband is king” bit was also a turn off. And let’s not even talk about her house with the matching glass sub zero fridges (one has its own Twitter feed with 10k followers! @YolandasFridge)

But that Dutch beauty won me over. She is no bullshit and I love her sense of style (white jeans! Hermes belts! appropriate cocktailwear!)  Sure, she’s a perfectionist with no tolerance for reality. But she has a good heart and a strong sense of self that I dig.

In the end, they are still women who have the same fears, insecurities, and selfish tendencies inherent to the gender, despite the size of their kitchens or bank accounts.

Bring on Season 4!