Category Archives: Modern Life

Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic” lit a fire under my ass

I’ve reviewed a lot of books in the past few years, but never has an author seemed to look inside me and shine a light on the web of ego and dreams tangled up in there.

Big Magic cover on carpoolcandy.com

The book came from the publisher “creatively” wrapped in paper with pretty ribbon

That’s what I felt like while reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s new non-fiction book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear, which is out this week. I jumped at the chance to review her new book because I’m a big fan of her writing.

Her best-selling memoir, Eat, Pray Love, sparked both lovers and haters of her work, although, being on the love side, I don’t really understand the hate. Sure, it was self-indulgent, but aren’t most memoirs? Whether you bought into the journey, you can’t deny Gilbert’s talent. Her writing is personal, insightful, honest and funny.

Gilbert is able to see a situation, turn it over in her mind a few thousand times and then write about it so honestly and specifically,that even if the situation doesn’t apply completely, you can’t help but recognize yourself.

Elizabeth Gilbert on carpoolcandy.com

Big Magic is a must-read for writers, as it speaks to why we subject ourselves to the uncertainty, rejection, and criticism that comes with sharing your thoughts in public. Not to mention the love of art in lieu of a fat paycheck.

But it’s also for anyone who has creative desires of any kind and isn’t fulfilling them.

She uses an example of a friend who skated as a child and loved it, but quit when she became a teenager and realized she wasn’t going to the Olympics. She went on to become a successful businesswoman who was happily married with kids, but started to feel down and in a rut. After some soul-searching she remembered how skating used to make her feel and decided to get back on the ice.

She could have been intimidated by her age, by taking lessons with a bunch of 9-year-olds watching, by the cold, by lack of personal time….by what others would think. But none of that was enough to prevent her from getting up early to skate for an hour before work a few times a week. The feeling she got from being on the ice again carried over into the rest of her life and she felt joy and ease she hadn’t felt in years.

She hasn’t won any medals, and she’s still skating.

So what are you afraid of doing? What activity have you always wanted to try or tried once and left behind? There are a million excuses not to pick it up, and Gilbert lists them all in the book. But those excuses are hiding fear.

I’ll admit something I haven’t out loud much before: I have an idea for a screenplay.

Just writing this is making me queasy. I don’t feel comfortable sharing my dreams so publicly.

I’ve had the idea for about 10 years and have created characters, scenes and even dialog in my mind, but haven’t been able to commit to it because I’m afraid.

Afraid of failure and success. Afraid it won’t be as good as I want it to be. Afraid I have no business writing a screenplay. I’m no Brooklyn hipster or Hollywood phenom. I’m just a working mom driving carpool.

But Liz told me I have a voice and it needs to be heard. She hasn’t promised my work will be read, liked, produced and released. She just says I have to write it. For me. Because every year that goes by that I don’t write it, I feel like I’ve failed myself.

It would feel really good to get it all out of my head and onto paper (or a PDF file, you get the point.) I’ve spent more time in the last year on it than ever before and I actually have most of Act 1 down and an outline for Acts 2 and 3.

Writing desk on carpoolcandy.com

I spent a weekend alone in NYC last spring working on the screenplay.

But now I need to fully commit. To make room for this project, instead of waiting for free time to work on it. I’m a busy gal so there are lots of great reasons not to work on my story. Helping kids, cooking dinner, volunteering at school, reading for my book club and work. And how about just being dog tired after a busy week and preferring to lay on the couch eating cookies while watching Orange is the New Black?

But Liz has made me realize it’s fear keeping me from the page. And I can’t let fear win.

Big Magic has great stories and tips on how to tap into whatever creative gig you’re into. I gave the book a great review, which you can read here.  I’m not alone in feeling the power of this book, it just hit number one on the NY Times bestseller list.

What are you afraid of?  Be brave and tell me in the comments.  Then commit to punching fear in the face and getting started on your journey to a more creative life!

What shock looks like: pulling off a surprise party

There’s nothing better than planning a surprise party, committing to the white lies you tell to make it happen, and then pulling it off.

Our friends, Tami and Chris, celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in August. They are very special people who do so much for others, they kinda make you feel inadequate.

The happy couple in Paris 2015

The happy couple in Paris 2015

They’re generous with their time and willing to share anything they have with people they love– and that’s a large group. Just one example is their commitment to fostering children. They’ve cared for and stayed close with at least 6 kids in the last 3 years. They’ve also been wonderful to my kids– taking special care to understand and build a relationship with each one– and many of their friends’ kids.

They wanted to celebrate their milestone anniversary in August with a party, but after a change of heart, decided to take a trip to Paris instead. They had a terrific time but I knew they were a little disappointed to let the party idea go. So I didn’t let it go. I emailed a few of their friends and cooked up a plan to do a Sunday brunch at my house with a bunch of local families.

Not one friend hesitated for a second, in fact all jumped in to help bring food, set up, and clean up…. and help keep Tami and Chris in the dark. I sent an evite and told everyone NOT TO TELL THEIR KIDS.

Kids would surely blow the surprise– not intentionally, but almost certainly– if they were burdened with the information. Kristin Wiig expressed it best in her hilarious SNL character “lady who can’t keep a surprise,” which you can check out here.

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I surprised Wilson for his 30th and again for his 35th birthdays and he didn’t have a clue. It’s very satisfying.

I did actually break the no kids rule and told Aden — who proved yet again that he is a vault. (Like Kristin Wiig , I HAD to tell SOMEONE or I would burst. Of course Wilson knew, but he doest get excited about such things.) Jacob and Eli both believed the lie I told Tami– that we were having an early birthday brunch for Eli with my mother and a few other friends.

She completely bought it. Why wouldn’t she? Her anniversary was in August, and it was a believable lie. The more I thought about the perfect plan, the giddier I became. I’m a party nerd and the days leading up  to the event I was more excited than I should have been about an adult party.

But understand that Tami is one of those people who knows everything– a busybody in the best way, her son once called her “a compulsive intervener,” because she has to be involved in it all.

So the thought of blowing her mind and gathering so many people they love in one room– well, I was hardly able to contain my enthusiasm.

There were a few close calls, but as everyone patiently waited on my back porch for them to show today, it was clear from their 30 minute tardiness that they had no clue what was going on.

surprise anniversary party on carpoolcandy.com

The look on their faces, including their son Avery in front: “What is happening?”

They walked in the back of the house and everyone yelled “SURPRISE! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!”  and they looked at us in complete confusion. It took several minutes as they walked closer to this crowd of eager faces, to figure out this was a party for them.

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Then, happy, excited, and perhaps overwhelmed.

After the initial shock, everyone got down to eating– it was a delicious potluck spread, including of course, cake.

surprise anniversary party on carpoolcandy.com

As we cut the cake, Tami spoke about what a great decision it was to move to our town because of the friends they made. It is kind of funny how where you live can change who you are as a family.

Tami and I agree we picked exactly the right town.

surprise anniversary party on carpoolcandy.com

Those two love birds smooched for the crowd, and everyone went home feeling like 25 years of marriage is a great thing to celebrate.

Have you ever pulled off a surprise? Tell me about it in the comments.

#BlogHer15: Connecting on many levels

You may wonder why we bloggers do what we do. Why do we toil in the wee hours of morning and night to match just the right photo to carefully chosen words? Why do we share some of our most intimate and/or humiliating moments? Why put ourselves out there to be judged, or worse, ignored?

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

Chew, Smiles, and Candy taking time to smell the roses.

I spent last weekend attending BlogHer15— the world’s largest conference for women content creators on social media — and was reminded why we blog.

Only a few of the thousands of bloggers in attendance have hit it big. Winning the blogging lottery can mean different things: building a brand, monetizing with ads, scoring a book deal… but all any of us really want is to be heard.

We want more people to read and engage in our passion subjects.

That’s my takeaway from an amazing weekend of listening to inspiring speakers, meeting real and virtual friends, and taking notes at professional breakout sessions.

The blog is not the thing. Connecting is the thing.

This was my third time at BlogHer and it certainly was the charm. Year one in NYC, I was a clueless rookie, obsessively consulting my session schedule and terrified of missing any events, speakers, or blogging advice. I was all business and just a little fun and I knew like two gals.

Year 2 was in Chicago. I went alone and tried to soak in the experience, but found it difficult to meet people (I’m more shy than you’d think in enormous crowds) and spent evenings with high school friends instead of bloggers.

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

We got lots of free stuff at the Expo this year. Here we are trying new Coke Life with Stevia. (I liked it!)

But this year, I had a writer posse and it made all the difference. I convinced my virtual friend Christine of the popular and perfectly seasoned food blog ChewNibbleNosh.com to hop on a plane from Indianapolis to be my partner in crime for the weekend.

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

Much deserved late night snacks at Eataly with the gals

I also strongly encouraged my local friend Jesse, who writes beautifully about family life with a special child at SmilesandDuctTape.com to take the plunge at her first blogging conference. At BlogHer13 in Chicago, I made only two new friends: the always honest and funny Amy of AMyNameisAmy.com–who writes about parenting, divorce, pop culture and being a bossassbitch— and Emily who makes food and her kids sound equally delicious on Em-i-Lis.com. Both those ladies were back for more in NYC this year, and Amy’s hotel roommate, Stacey, who’s OneFunnyMotha was kind enough to put up with us too.

Whether newbies or veterans, we were all a bit wary, wondering what the energy of the conference would be like, and whether it was worth the hassle it requires to leave your family, jobs, and responsibilities back home for several days.

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

Blogger friends for life bonding at dinner

But over several glasses of wine at dinner Saturday night, we agreed it was the best decision we’d made in a long while.

It’s intimidating to walk into an enormous ballroom and find a place at the table– as it were. I’ve found that no matter how many page views you have, everyone wonders if they belong.

BlogHer15 NYC on carpoolcandy.com

But the nurturing environment helped us get comfortable and when we weren’t focused on speakers or mechanics, we laughed a lot. It’s funny how close you can get to people in such a short time when you share this kind of intense experience.

Soledad OBrien at BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

Journalist Soledad O’Brien kicked off the event, talking about her Starfish Foundation, which chooses dozens of girls (who could not otherwise afford college) to financially, emotionally and professionally support through school and career building.

We were inspired to act, to dream, to push ourselves and those around us.

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

I got to meet one of my favorite bloggers and the ultimate success story, Jen Mann of PeopleIWanttoPunchintheThroat.com

There’s something kind of magical about being in a safe space with creative women peers. And with some, you know their online voices so there’s an immediate familiarity.

Gwyneth Paltrow at BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

So safe in fact, that the embattled Gwyneth Paltrow could wow the crowd during her lunchtime talk. Looking tan and svelte and appropriately fashionable, the actress and goop.com founder talked about everything from building a brand to raising kids in the midst of a high-profile divorce.

Paltrow has been under fire for several comments in the media that made her sound entitled and out of touch with regular folk. She addressed her bad press in an evolved, thoughtful way and came across as relaxed,, intelligent and even funny– quieting many of the haters in the crowd.

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

“If I read something that stings it’s usually because I’ve held that judgment against myself. So I unpack that and work through it,” she told the attentive audience.

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

I went to a few amazing breakout sessions to learn more tricks of the trade. I took notes like I was back in college about humor writing, building a brand on social media, and time management. Each session provided at least one nugget of wisdom or spark.

Here are a few I gathered:

–“We women are so hard on ourselves. Make realistic goals. Don’t should all over yourself,” Danielle Faust on time management

–“Ideas aren’t unique, your voice is,”  Sarah Maizes on humor writing.

–“Readers don’t want to know the most recent thing you said, they want to know the best thing you said,”–Jessica Woodbury on best SEO practices and setting up a blog home page.

BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

Breakout session on SEO

The last two speakers on Saturday evening had great impact on the thousands of attendees. First up was media executive and motivational speaker Tenishia Jackson-Warner who encouraged us to stretch ourselves. “Don’t just follow your dreams, chase them!” she told the eager crowd. Get out of your comfort zone, do things that scare you, be persistent, defy rejection, and don’t give up. Her words made my heart leap into my throat and lingered in my head for days.

I have one particular project I’ve been avoiding out of fear so here words hit a nerve.

Ava DuVernay at BlogHer15 NYC highlights on carpoolcandy.com

Duvernay’s eloquence and confidence were infectious.

“Selma” director Ava Duvernay had us on the edge our seats as she spoke about diversity in filmmaking and empowering women in all fields.

“Women have been trained to ask for what we want instead of taking it. We’ve been indoctrinated in a culture of permission. It’s true for women and it’s true for people of color. But that time has passed,” she said about defining this moment in time with boldness.

The weekend was about connecting–to each other, to our industry, to the larger world– and going after what we want.

You don’t have to be a blogger to appreciate that.

Help me connect with more readers by sharing posts you like and signing up to receive my blog via email. Just scroll to the top of the page and click on “Follow” on the right side. See, now you’re stretching too! Thanks!

 

 

Getting old is not for the weak

bette davis on carpoolcandy.com

Bette Davis once said “Old age is no place for sissies,” and man, was she right.

bette davis

This week, I had to renew my passport so I was up early to avoid the lines at the post office. I was in workout clothes and not vain enough to put on a full face of makeup so early in the morning for the photo, so I just dabbed some eyeliner and lip gloss on before running out the door.

When I went to get my passport photo taken at CVS, I stood in front of the white screen and started primping my hair. The CVS lady– who seemed friendly enough– gave me the passport photo rules: I couldn’t smile and had to have both ears showing — which made my hair flat and mousey looking.

That was the least of my problems.

She took two shots, downloaded them and showed them to me on a computer monitor. Horrifying. I looked like someone had beat the crap out of me. I looked VERY tired and one eye was a lot bigger than the other. Like a cyclops.

“Oh no!” I shrieked. The CVS lady looked at the screen and then to me.

“Yeah, we should take that again,” she said with a pained look. I was both relieved to have a second chance, and annoyed that she so quickly confirmed the picture was ghastly.

I stood again against the white background and tried to pinch my cheeks and smooth out all the lines on my face that had glared at me from the screen. We tried SIX more times. Each time, CVS lady looked at me with a wincing expression and shook her head.

Here I was, thinking I looked ok when I left the house. I glanced in the mirror in the dim light of my bedroom, but I guess not close enough. Sure, I was up til one-am watching Orange is the New Black and reading my book club book, but I didn’t feel as tired as I looked.

“I don’t think it’s going to get better than that,” she said flatly after the 6th attempt. (She seemed less friendly to me now.)

” I guess I should have worn more make up,” I said sheepishly as she printed the photos.

“Yeah, you need a lot of makeup,” CVS lady said. Maybe she didn’t say exactly that, but that’s what I heard at the moment.

passport photo on carpoolcandy.com

This was the BEST of the 6 photos, after she photoshopped it to boost color and diminish lines!

For so many years, I could just get up and greet the day with little effort and still feel like I was putting my best face forward. Not anymore.

Aging has taken its toll.

I had heard that after 40, our bodies start deteriorating at a more rapid rate. I noticed it first when it was taking me too long to read books. I had always had 20/20 vision so it didn’t occur to me for months that I was squinting and having to reread sentences because my eyesight was weakening.

I now have prescription reading glasses that I only wear when reading and sitting at the computer because I’m still self-conscious about them. I can no longer read any writing on medicine bottles, they’re just printing it too damn small.

reading glasses photo on carpoolcandy.com

There are further indignities I’ve observed as birthdays come and go. Despite lots of exercise and walking my whole life, my feet hurt on a regular basis. Food gets stuck in my teeth, forcing me to suck on them like a grandpa. My bedtime routine requires so many steps, I often can’t make it through them all: wash face, brush teeth, floss, slather night cream, apply eye cream, moisturize hands, adjust pillows to avoid lower back pain.

And I’m a healthy person!!

My 42-year-old athletic cousin just discovered he has a hernia and can’t figure out for the life of him what he might have done to get it. Lifting a suitcase? Weird stretching at the gym?

An exasperated friend just told me she can’t find the right bra size because her boobs have become completely lopsided. One has humiliatingly descended at a more alarming rate than the other.

getting old vitamins on carpoolcandy.com

The over 40 self-help shelf. From Flintstones vitamins to this.

I know we should consider ourselves lucky if these are our worst complaints. And I do appreciate my good health. But don’t underestimate the damaging effect physical aging has on our fragile egos.

Who wants to admit we have weaknesses, exactly at the time when we’re finally becoming comfortable with who we are?

Alas, I only have to look at that passport photo for the next 10 years. I guess the bright side is, in 10 years, I’ll look at that photo and think I look young!

 

Nice day to start again, nice day for a white wedding

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My friend, Lisa, got married last night and I’m still smiling about it. She’s been divorced for nearly 10 years and it took her a while to find the right guy, but if you listened to the speeches and saw the love and light in their eyes, you’d know Mitch was worth the wait.

I felt badly for the happy couple as the rain poured down on our drive to Bouman Stickney Farms in rural Lebanon, New Jersey. But the deluge couldn’t put a damper on the celebration.

Country wedding in a barn on carpoolcandy.com

In fact, the steady raindrops made the affair seem even more intimate as the 100 or so guests clinked glasses under a tent and in a beautifully decorated barn, under twinkling lights.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

The ceremony included their families and friends reading passages under a white linen chuppah sewn by Lisa’s great-grandmother. They read vows they had written to each other and giggled as the wind blew the barn door open behind them, with a beautiful backdrop of grass and trees.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

A second wedding is an opportunity to say what’s really important in your vows and to your family and friends, because you’ve had enough life experience to know the significance of your words.

Country wedding in a barn on carpoolcandy.com

You actually know what it feels like to take care of a partner in sickness and in health, you’re intimately familiar with the challenges of weathering hard times, and you appreciate the joy of friendship and laughing easily.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

Mother of the bride (right) taking it all in.

Getting married as a more mature couple also means you can plan the party exactly the way you want it– without any input from parents or in-laws– to reflect your taste.

And Lisa has amazing taste.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

The beaming bride

I knew it would be special, with Lisa’s shabby chic, ethereal feel.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

She loves bringing nature into her home (rocks, seashells, driftwood) so the setting was a perfect combination of raw nature and elegance and one of the most gorgeous parties I’ve ever attended.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

From the white roses and pink peonies under the chuppah and in the bouquets, to the wildflowers in Mason jars and metal buckets on the tables….

From the Oriental rugs on grass, and distressed furniture for seating and food display…

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

Lisa loves inspirational quotes and this one was perfect for the rainy night

….to the amazing details like ribbon streamers to wave at the ceremony, matchbooks saying “A Match Made in Heaven” and linen pillows with the couple’s initials on settees around the tent.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

They asked all the guests to wear white which somehow added sophistication to the farm setting– very Out of Africa…..

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

The food was healthy and delicious and served on mismatched Grandma’s china plates. My watermelon vodka drink came in a beveled goblet with a  colored paper straw.

A three-piece country band and a DJ played all night and the barn turned into a dance floor after dinner.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

I loved every detail, but more importantly the night was filled with love between and for the new couple.

There were lovely speeches and toasts….

Country wedding in a barn on carpoolcandy.com

Lisa looked overwhelmed as her kids made a speech.

and the bride and groom were beaming and dancing all night.

Country wedding on carpoolcandy.com

Congrats to Lisa and Mitch!

Country wedding in a barn on carpoolcandy.com

You’ve inspired Wilson and me to renew our vows someday. Keep the barn door open!

Proud to be Jumbos: my college reunion story

I am a Tufts University Jumbo. It’s not the toughest of mascots– especially when everyone in my house reveres the mighty Wolverine** – but we’ve still got our pride.

Tufts University logo on carpoolcandy.com

I recently relived some of my favorite memories at my college reunion. I’m not going to tell you how many years it’s been because it just makes me sound old and I don’t feel old. But spending 48 hours kidless, husbandless, and with a gaggle of gal pals on our old stomping grounds peeled off the years and made me realize age really doesn’t matter.

The weekend began with one of my besties, Julie, flying in from LA and sleeping at my house. We stayed up late gossiping and wondering who we might see– and who we’d like to avoid– at the reunion.

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We got a quick hair blow out before we left—because a girl has to look her best if she’s going to see people she hasn’t seen in many, many years. Nobody needs to know I normally don’t wash my hair for days.

We met up with two other friends– Allison and Romy–  and drove to Boston. The ride felt decadent. With four hours of uninterrupted time we caught up on each other’s work and families and had the luxury of follow-up questions and analysis. We also spent much of the ride quizzing each other on college factoids, hazy events, and random people we hadn’t thought about in years.

(Remember, I live with 4 males whose idea of scintillating conversation is NFL trades and baseball statistics, and maybe a fart joke now and then. A weekend with the girls is like an oasis.)

I love my college friends, but we aren’t the best at sticking to plans. Although a group of us live in the tri-state area, it’s rare that we can get a bunch together for a two-hour dinner in Manhattan. So I was delighted when 9 girls committed to this reunion weekend and showed up ready for carousing, reminiscing, and a graduate degree in belly laughs.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

We had a fun dinner outside Friday night at Stephanie’s on Newbury Street in Boston. The nostalgia started to sink in as we sipped Scorpion Bowls that tasted much better than the grain alcohol punch we used to get at the Hong Kong in Cambridge back in the day. (There are some advantages to being a grown up.)

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

Scorpion bowl at Stephanie’s in Boston

My friend Marjie met her husband, Scott, at Tufts (those two crazy kids are still gaga for each other) and many of Scott’s friends happened to be the guys we hung with since freshman year.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

Marjie and Scott: A Jumbo love story

Scott and 8 of his frat buddies also stayed at the Loews in Boston for the weekend. When we got back from dinner, we took over an outdoor bar area with couches and twinkling lights and caught up on our lives.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

We all flashed our phones around to show pictures of kids, spouses and even dogs. Our friend, Ricky, had wisely dug out a pile of old photos to pass around, sparking laughs and a flood of memories.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

We all had more hair and thicker eyebrows ala Brooke Shields. Our shorts were short and our jeans were high and sinched tight, but we thought we had it going on.

As much as I’d like to think I remember college like it was yesterday, I was surprised by how much I had forgotten. It was like we were collectively weaving a tapestry of those four years. Everyone remembered different events and people and we pieced them together like a giant puzzle. It was so much fun hearing the classic stories again, and being reminded of hilarious times that had been tucked in the way back of my mind.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

We think this is from circa 1992. Good times

Saturday we wandered around campus and met up with other alumni attending various events. We visited the fancy new library and tried to remember where we sat to study for finals.

Tisch Library at Tufts reunion 2015 inn carpoolcandy.com

So many hours spend studying (and talking) at that library

We snuck into two dorms where we used to live (Houston and West Hall for inquiring Jumbos) and were shocked at how little they had been updated.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

My old room in Houston Hall sophomore year!

There was a graduation party at the house on Bellveue where many of my friends lived junior and senior year, but the residents graciously let us walk around. It was bizarre to be there again, and disgustingly dirty.

We had to make a stop at Espresso’s. Back in the day you could use your parents’ credit card and order food by phone to be delivered right to your dorm. Pizza, subs, and pints of Ben and Jerry’s, which we’d pass around in a circle until there was none left. Ah, the days of late-night, guilt-free eating.

We walked that beautiful quad, took pictures at the Jumbo statue in front of Packard Hall, and of course at the hallowed canon.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

It’s a Tufts tradition to paint the canon late at night, but you have to make your mark really late or you run the risk of someone painting over it. Despite several tries, I think I did it successfully only once in my four years.

The only official school reunion activity we signed up for was a cocktail party Saturday night for our graduating class. Part of me wanted to be chatty, and part wanted to be a fly on the wall, throwing back cocktails and watching all the action without having to engage. I saw some people I hadn’t seen since graduation– including my freshman year roommate. That was a trip. I was mostly happy to see everyone I recognized, as many looked the same and still gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling despite all the years.

There were only a few people I would have liked to avoid, but even talking to them was amusing, because they annoyed me now for the same reasons they annoyed me then. Some things never change.

After about an hour at the party, our smaller group met up again at the Temple Bar in Cambridge and laughed and talked for hours into the night.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

The AEPi guys together again

Just like the old days, the boys powered through any exhaustion for a late night visit to the original Hong Kong in Harvard Square for scorpion bowls… and the girls went home, got into jammies and talked til we started to fall asleep. There was still so much more to say and no one wanted the weekend to be over.

Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

Most people left Sunday morning but a few of us stayed for breakfast and a little shopping on Newbury Street. I certainly wanted to stretch the weekend out as long as possible.

Shopping on Newbury Street at Tufts reunion 2015 on carpoolcandy.com

We hit terrible traffic on the way home and even got a flat tire that stalled our trip for a few extra hours. But no one complained. We were savoring the time to chat and be together. We weren’t eager to get back to the reality of work, carpools, sick kids, messy houses, cooking dinner and husbands who had earned a break.

Spending a relaxing 48 hours together evoked deep affection for my old college gang. I shared so many significant moments with some of these people, and we literally watched each other grow and mature into adults. We spent time with each other’s families, traveled all over the U.S and Europe, and struggled through terrible first jobs and apartments in the lean post-college years.

We have history.

Tufts class of 1990 reunion on carpoolcandy.com

The gang on campus

I wish it wasn’t so hard to get everyone in the same place at the same time but that’s where we are in our lives and that’s what made the reunion so special. It was a weekend we proud Jumbos will never forget.

 

**You may remember, Wilson is an avid (read insane) alumnus of the University of Michigan who suffers from school spiritititus, when watching all sports gives you a fever until you bleed maize and blue. (For the lowdown on his reunion weekend click here.)

Staycation 2015: the week in photos

My kids were on spring break last week and we stayed home because Jacob had 5 baseball games. Was I bitter? Maybe a little. But it was actually nice to be home with few plans and time for the kids to relax.

My boys overindulged on-screen time for sure, but I planned at least one outing a day to make sure they got some stimulation that didn’t include a remote or joystick (I know, no one calls them joytsicks anymore but ‘Xbox controller’ is so undescriptive.)

We’re so lucky to have New York City in our back yard, and I took them in a few times to get a change of scenery and sneak in some culture without the boys realizing it.

Here are the highlights of the week in photos…..

Walking the High Line NYC on carpoolcandy.com

I met two gal pals at Penn Station Friday night. We were having dinner with our husbands in Chelsea at 7pm so we bought ourselves chilled mini wine bottles (at the little store by the stairs to the Garden) which we dumped in paper cups. Then we picked up the High Line at 31st St. and 11th Avenue to walk to the restaurant.

There’s nothing like an outdoor cocktail hour, walking above Manhattan, and people watching on the High Line on a lovely spring evening!

Home/Dreamworks movie poster on carpoolcandy.com

Home/Dreamworks

On Monday I took Eli to see the animated movie Home. We both liked it a lot– it’s a very sweet and engaging story, with characters voiced by Rihanna, Jim Parsons, JLo, and Steve Martin. I also like any excuse to eat movie popcorn.

Batting cages at Frozen Ropes on carpoolcandy.com

Tuesday I took Aden and Eli to the batting cages at Frozen Ropes to hit balls off a pitching machine.

Batting cages at Frozen Ropes on carpoolcandy.com

It aint cheap: $30 for 30 minutes, and the time went quickly, but it was a productive, fun activity.

We took the train into the city Wednesday and the kids picked Shake Shack for lunch. The line wasn’t too long….

Shake Shack NYC on carpoolcandy.com

and we chowed on our burgers and fries.

Shake Shack NYC on carpoolcandy.com

Then we walked a few blocks to see Matilda on Broadway. Eli and I read the Roald Dahl book and we had been listening to the music in the car and explaining the plot to Aden.

Matilda on Broadway NYC on carpoolcandy.com

I was worried because Aden wasn’t so psyched when I told him I bought the tickets. But we all loved it! Amazing performances, inventive staging and dancing, and terrific music that we are still humming days later. I highly recommend!

My boys had never been to Dylan’s Candy Bar so after the show we headed east and wandered the sugar sanctuary for almost 45 minutes.

Dylan's Candy Bar NYC on carpoolcandy.com

Giant gummy bear and candy necklace!

I gave them each a $15 limit but still managed to spend an obscene amount of money I can’t think about ever again. Oh well. You only live once right?

Dylan's Candy Bar NYC on carpoolcandy.com

Like mice in a cheese factory….

Two friends and I took our boys to the city Thursday to walk around Chinatown. We had never been to Chinatown in NY and I thought we’d walk the streets, taking in the new culture, marveling at the colorful fruit and vegetable stands, and wandering into little shops.

Chinatown NYC on carpoolcandy.com

But I forgot I was with 7 boys whose only interest was consuming as much sesame chicken as their bellies could hold. The authentic eats at 456 Shanghai Cuisine didn’t disappoint. As you can see here, we tried a little bit of everything. The pork dumplings– both standard and soup– were gobbled up instantly, and the moo shu pork, shrimp and vegetables, chicken lo mien, and sautéed green beans were delicious. Nothing was greasy and no one felt sick 30 minutes after consuming an impressive amount of food. And the price is nice too. The lunch specials were just $5.75 each and came with soup and rice.

Chinatown Ice Cream Factory on carpoolcandy.com

Although I couldn’t eat anymore, the children managed to cram in shakes and cones from the famous Chinatown Ice Cream Factory down the street. In addition to the standards, they have some very inventive flavors, including Black Sesame, Ginger, and Lychee. Thumbs up from the fellas.

NYC criminal court tour on carpoolcandy.com

Chinatown is very close to the Criminal Court building, where our friend Chris works, so the boys got a bonus tour of a courtroom and a holding cell.

NYC criminal court tour on carpoolcandy.com

We also stopped at the mecca of sneakers, a place called Flight Club, near Union Square. Literally hundreds of technicolored sneakers line the walls of this store and I couldn’t find a pair for less than $150.

Flight Club NYC shopping on carpoolcandy.com

Much like me at Bergdorf Goodman, the boys browsed the shelves, knowing they could never afford the laces of most of their coveted shoes.

Flight Club NYC shopping on carpoolcandy.com

A boy can dream…..

I must admit I enjoyed Flight Club from an anthropological perspective. It’s a whole culture of people who purchase, trade, and collect high-end sneakers and seeing so many creative designs made it feel like an exhibit in a modern art museum.

Flight Club NYC shopping on carpoolcandy.com

Check out the price tags on these babies! This is what thousand-dollar shoes look like

The prices of some of the shoes were as expensive as art– going up to the eye-popping $7,000 to 11,000 range! Who knew?

On Friday it was back to work for me so the boys had a free day to play with friends.

I asked them tonight what the highlights were of their break. Jacob groaned, which he does at any question I ask him of late.

Aden said “Everything!” I’ll take it!

Eli? After a detailed recap of all our adventures, he chose the playdate with his friend Kieran yesterday.

Can’t win ’em all.

 

 

 

 

I survived a 7-day cleanse- part 2 (the results)

Wow! Huge response to cleanse post part one! Many of you are fascinated by the idea and/or have your own experiences to share.

Now for the results….(drumroll please)……

Did I enjoy it?   I would say I appreciated the experience. It gave me the kickstart I needed to eat and feel better, and it reeducated me on healthy food and portion control.

Would I do it again?  As I said, the chocolate-flavored shakes smelled like baby formula and tasted like cement, no matter how many different ingredients I tried in them. BUT, I know my blender was not up to the task, and I tackled the cleanse with my friend Hope and she loved the shakes, and several of you commented saying you enjoyed the shakes too so it’s really personal preference. But no, I would not do this cleanse again, and probably wouldn’t do a liquid based cleanse for 7 days again. I missed solid food! But I might try a 3-day cleanse at some point, if I needed a restart. Or I would definitely do a no sugar/dairy/gluten/alcohol/caffeine cleanse that was food based.

Can you exercise while cleansing?   My nutrition and health coach friend, Pam, advised me not to do my regular exercise routines– especially cardio–which was horrifying news for a committed yogi like me who also runs and does other activities. But your body is exerting so much energy cleansing, and you don’t have enough food to give you the necessary energy to exercise at your regular intensity, so it’s best not to overdo it. By day 3, I was getting a dull headache and a bit nauseous if I overexerted myself, so I took a break until the cleanse ended.

Clean cleanse box on carpoolcandy.com

Did I lose weight?   I lost four pounds during that week. BUT I WASN’T EATING! So although I continued to eat a gluten, sugar, dairy, alcohol and caffeine free diet for the next two weeks, I was eating more and gained back two pounds right away. BUT, I was able to lose some more weight once I started exercising again and continued eating cleanly. I’d say I kept off about 5 pounds. Then I went on vacation and had some wine and indulged in sweets and all bets were off. But I know if I went back to clean eating and was conscientious about it, I could lose extra pounds. It’s all about choices.

How much does it cost?   The CLEAN cleanse cost about $195. Starving yourself aint cheap! But what I learned and the recipes in the materials they give you, plus Pam’s great advice made it worth the price for me. There was also extra money I spent on food that week. Hope and I went to Whole Foods and loaded up on vegetables, nuts, various non-dairy milk products, almond butter, and other healthy snack food, so that was probably another $150. I looked at it as an investment in healthy eating and weeks later I still have a lot of the stuff.

What were the other challenges?   For one thing, I was a total beotch to my family for the last 5 days of the cleanse (they would say I should NEVER do it again!) I didn’t feel great on days 3-5: physically weak, tired, and very cranky, but also mentally resentful of everyone who was freely eating food around me. I took it as a personal affront when my sons scarfed down a bagel for breakfast and tried to suppress evil thoughts while making them pasta for dinner.

cleanse cartoonI would also say the time it takes to plan and prepare for every meal took a toll. I had to get up earlier in the morning to make the shake, and shop for the food I needed for lunch to bring to work or wherever I was going. I had to have the right, clean ingredients for meals and be prepared to make substitutions. I know– cleanse or not– that I should be thinking about what I’ll eat at the beginning of every week and each day, but I found it mentally exhausting and a time suck. But when I don’t plan ahead, I can make poor decisions.  

At meals, I rarely felt deprived and was actually happy with my clean choices. Clean eating can be delicious. I discovered chia and flax seed, ezekiel bread, and coconut milk. I rediscovered spinach salad, hard-boiled eggs, rice cakes, nuts, and brown rice pasta. Salmon has become a once-a week meal for us., with just olive oil and dill.

Shopping at Whole Foods for a 7-day cleanse  on carpoolcandy.com

Hope shopping for veggies at Whole Foods.

–What did I learn?   I’m not always hungry when I think I am and drinking a glass of water can satiate me during the day when I’m antsy and/or bored. It’s hard to drink 64 ounces a day, but I find ice and a straw helps a lot, and pouring the 64 ounces into a pitcher that sits on your desk or counter all day is motivating.

I like an iced coffee now and then but it’s a treat I don’t need and I barely missed it. I missed caffeine as a pick-me-up in my tea at work, but I survived. No alcohol during the week was easy, and while it was a sacrifice on the weekends, it’s doable for a few weeks at a time. I started drinking more vodka and tequila, which have less sugar and carbs than wine. I’ve found some great substitutes for carbs like pasta, bread and bagels and I feel better when I avoid them. And they taste amazing when I indulge.

The most difficult for me to give up was dairy and sugar. I eat non-fat organic yogurt a few times a week with fresh fruit or in a smoothie. I love eggs and often eat them as a source of protein. I love cheese, but I’ve basically given it up for several months now and lived to tell the tale.

Shopping at Whole Foods for a 7-day cleanse  on carpoolcandy.com

–The exceptions/Food I won’t give up  Pizza! But I don’t have 2-3 slices, I try to have one and a salad now. Cookies! I’ll give up bread and pasta, but don’t take away my cookies. Chocolate! Need I explain?

Life is too short to give up eating my favorite things. It’s all in moderation, so better that I enjoy eating what I love, than feeling completely deprived and binge down the road.

I actually liked reading the cleanse pamphlet about the efficiency of clean food in our digestive system, instead of all the crap I put in there. The process forced me to examine my intake and I realized I was eating way too many carbs. I thought I was being a conscientious eater by only consuming whole wheat bread, bagels, and crackers. But I was eating too much.

I needed to look at the whole day of eating and make choices by day– not by meal — to promote better digestion. I started making substitutions for traditional carbs.. I’m not going to say it tastes the same, but I found combinations that I can live with, like sun butter on a brown rice cake and turkey meat sauce on brown rice pasta.

And I didn’t feel like I had rocks in my belly after meals. I felt lighter. While I wanted to lose wight, my goal was really to make better choices to feel better. The cleanse definitely helped me do that.

I also was reminded that although I think I’m craving food, I often need something else. It’s usually sleep, but sometimes can be something to drink or a walk around the block to get the brain juices flowing. My go-to was always to have a snack , but now I’m trying to pay attention to why I’m reaching for that cracker. Mindful eating is key.

If you’re interested in trying a cleanse, I highly recommend you work with Pam from Wholefully Aware. Not only is she knowledgable and supportive, but during the cleanse, she was practically on-call 24-7 for questions about how I was feeling, what food choices to make, and what my personal blocks were in the process.

Would you do a cleanse? Tell me why or why not in the comments.

I survived a 7-day cleanse (but I didn’t enjoy it)

I recently accepted the challenge to go for 7 days without any gluten, sugar, dairy, caffeine, or alcohol. That’s right, no fun stuff.

What’s left, you say?

Actually quite a lot. The best part of the experience was a re-education on clean food and how our bodies digest it. I’ve read myriad articles on healthy eating and I know the basics, but somehow the knowledge wasn’t translating to what I put in my mouth.

That was my main motivation for this brave stunt. I was feeling gross all the time. I’d say I was going to “be good” and I would eat two relatively healthy meals every day, but somewhere around 4pm, I’d start to slip. I made bad snack choices, ate pretzels while preparing dinner,  and then treated myself to 2 or 3 cookies or pieces of chocolate after dinner, usually as a reward for the thankless job of cleaning the kitchen and tackling bedtime.

I knew I was carrying extra pounds. I could feel it when I ran and when I put on jeans. The jiggle was starting to make me feel uncomfortable, and causing critical whispers in my head.

I tried several times to say I would watch my eating for a few weeks– leading up to an event or trip– but I had a tough time sticking to portion control and healthy snacking.

scale pic on carpoolcandy.com

My friend and wellness expert, Pam, suggested I try a cleanse several months ago but I wasn’t ready. One day I decided it was time.

There are dozens of cleanses, but Pam advised me on one called the “7-day Refresh” from a company called Clean. (By the way, I have no connection or allegiance to this company or product, I’m just sharing so you can benefit from my experience.)

I received a box with 14 packets of chocolate powder for shakes, 7 small bottles of a pomegranate-flavored “Boost” drink, and 14 packets of supplement pills. There was a helpful guide with directions, explanations, and recipes that made it look so doable. Looking through the box got me excited, like buying new school supplies in August. I was eager to try something new and feel better.

I was supposed to have a shake for breakfast, healthy food for lunch, and a shake for dinner. I figured I could do anything for 7 days.

I could, but it wasn’t easy.

The first day I made the shake with coconut milk, almond butter, frozen strawberries and a banana. It was ok. A little thick because I put too much stuff in and my blender is not fancy, but I was able to finish most of it. I swallowed the 4 horse pill supplements and instantly wondered why I so willingly popped random pills I knew nothing about. As I tried to suppress my gag reflex while gulping the pills, I reassured myself. Pam wouldn’t encourage a cleanse that would poison me, right?

Clean cleanse box on carpoolcandy.com

My lunch the first day was green, leafy spinach with chopped up veggies and a hard-boiled egg for protein (eggs were the only exception to the dairy restrictions.) I learned how to make quinoa, which I substituted for the whole wheat crackers I usually have with my salad. I used balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and sea salt as dressing.

Guess what? It was delicious.

I didn’t feel deprived or hungry. In fact, I felt victorious. It all tasted great and I didn’t overeat.

But then came dinner. I planned ahead and got prepared chicken for my kids and gave them the leftover quinoa from lunch, and some veggies. (Only Jacob ate the quinoa, the other two acted like it was curdled milk.) But I didn’t like watching them eat while I drank my meal. Plus, the shake was not tasting good.

The next morning, I made my shake with different ingredients and convinced myself that it tasted ok, but I could barely finish it. Lunch was salmon, seasoned with olive oil, lemon, and dill, some greens and brown rice. Another tasty meal.

grilled salmon and vegetables on carpoolcandy.com

Grilled salmon and vegetables. Healthy food can be delicious!

By dinner, I noticed that the shake powder smelled like baby formula and seemed to be getting thicker in the glass each time I made it. Ick.

In addition to the shakes, I filled a pitcher with 64-oz of water every morning and defied myself to finish it. I drank more water that week than I probably did in the previous month, because it felt like a contest I could win.

If I was starving and needed a snack, I could have a half cup of raw almonds, which was more satisfying than it sounds. I find eating things one at a time soothing, especially when trying to limit my intake.

I’m not gonna lie, by Day 3, I officially hated the taste and smell of the shake powder and was forcing myself to drink it. I was also feeling cranky. I was feeling deprived of solid food and bitter that I still had to feed my kids. But there was no way I was giving up.

Although I dreaded drinking the shakes, I looked forward to the challenge of creating a healthy meal that met all the criteria. Those cleanse people are no dummies. Of course if you’re drinking most of your nutrients, the solid food you’re eating is going to taste amazing. So you’re manipulated into discovering that many healthy foods are delicious, and you begin to crave clean foods, free of any additives and preservatives.  Sneaky!

But those damn shakes starting feeling like a punishment. I completely acknowledge that I think my blender was not up to the task and if I had a better one, the shakes would have been thinner and more palatable. But honestly I tried every combination of almond butter, coconut milk, almond milk, fruit, and vegetables with that chocolate powder and as the week dragged on, it tasted worse.

I also admit that I didn’t keep up with the pills or liquid pomegranate boost drinks I was supposed to be using every day. It was hard enough making the time to plan all my meals and my family’s meals.

I managed to make it to the 7-day mark without fainting or hurling once.

Curious about the results? Did I lose weight? Did I get an energy boost and feel less tired? What was my mood like? What nutritional lessons did I learn? What did I learn about myself?

This post is already too long so stay tuned for the next one I survived a 7-day cleanse– THE RESULTS– later this week!

 

Spring Break staycation? What to do with kids in NYC

Jacob made the high school baseball team: yeah! Now we can’t go anywhere for spring break: boo!!

I thought maybe we’d get a 2-day reprieve and head to D.C. or Philly but looks like we’re stuck in Jersey, tethered to a baseball diamond. But I’m not going to complain because we’ll always have Manhattan.

Manhattan skyline on carpoolcandy.com

For those of you staying in the tri-state area for spring break– or if you’re traveling to New York in the next few weeks or even this summer– I’ve compiled a “best of” post of my favorite family activities– and accompanying food of course– in New York City. Enjoy!

Museum of Moving Image on carpoolcandy.com

Museum of the Moving Image—  We discovered this little gem tucked into a residential neighborhood in Astoria, Queens last year. Totally worth the extra 15 minutes on the subway from the city. The building is super modern and all white– like you’re on the set of a space movie…

Museum of Moving Image on carpoolcandy.com

The museum lobby & cafe

…and has an amazing permanent collection of cool modern art and sculptures, and old TV, radio and film equipment. You see the evolution of still and video cameras, microphones, and sound systems.

Costume collection at Museum of Moving Image on carpoolcandy.com

Yup, that’s Mork from Ork’s space suit, Eddie Murphy’s Beverly Hills cop getup, and snazzy costumes from the movie Chicago.

Other galleries include old TV’s of every size (like walking through a time warp,) pop culture toys, special effect artifacts (Freddy Krueger’s giant sweater  and the Exorcist‘s motorized mannequin of Linda Blair whose head spins around,) and make up, costumes, and actual scripts from recognizable movies and TV shows like Taxi Driver and Seinfeld.

Animation stations at Museum of Moving Image on carpoolcandy.com

Several interactive exhibits kept my kids busy, like making 3-5 second videos that can be turned into a flip book, computer animation programs, and changing music, sound effects, or dialogue from famous TV shows and movies in real sound booths. My kids were fascinated by the playable, old school video games like Tetris, Genesis, or Frogger, and I got nostalgic playing Atari tennis.

I highly recommend you pair your visit with a meal at nearby Bare Burger for delicious organic burgers, fries, shakes, and even salads. For more info on the museum click here.

kids walking in central park nyc on carpoolcandy.com

You can never go wrong in Central Park. You’ve got carriage rides, the zoo, the carousel and plenty of space to run around.  Click here for info on walking tours that look pretty cool.

new york historical society museum for kids

In the shadow of the Natural History Museum on the Upper West Side is the New York Historical Society Museum. Don’t miss the short film about the history of New York in the lobby theater, and then briefly check out the eclectic exhibits– from art (paintings, photography and sculpture) to culture (Tiffany lamps to vintage trains and toys.)

At the Children’s History Museum on the lower level of the building, kids can explore the history of New York through the eyes of children of the past. My boys were completely engaged in the interactive exhibits on voting history, kids’ role in the media, and how children lived at the turn of the century.

The kids museum offers great free programs so check the calendar before you go. There are also two scavenger hunt lists kids can fill out as you walk through the building, which keeps them involved.

Jacob creates his own 1930's headline

Jacob creates his own 1930’s headline

After the museum, the kids will deserve a burger at Shake Shack a block away… or take a short walk to Sugar and Plumm— a bistro with Parisian flair– on 79th and Amsterdam, which features gourmet delights like buckwheat savory crepes and chicken and waffles. Or just skip right to dessert: sundaes, fresh-baked cookies and cakes, chocolate, and gelato. Jacob and I split a banana/Nutella crepe and cappuccino macarons that were sublime…

Sugar and Plumm NYC with kids

….but Eli and Aden went for the fancy candy. For more info on the museum and eats click here.

Sugar and Plumm NYC with kids
If your family is less culture and history, and more outdoorsy, check out the newer part of the High Line near Tribeca. The scenery is pretty and the people watching irresistible.

Highline NYC on carpoolcandy.com

Free High Line walking tours and programs– including poetry readings and wildlife talks– begin in April. Strolling makes me hungry, so put your name in at Bubby’s High Line– home of delicious pancakes and burgers– and then walk up an appetite.

Of course, there’s always lunch and a show. Last spring break, I took the kids for sushi at Haru in Times Square and then to see Wicked, which we all liked, despite Jacob’s expression in this photo.

Kids at Wicked NYC spring break on carpoolcandy.com

I get that Broadway is not Jacob’s thang, so this year I’m giving him a pass and taking Aden and Eli to see Matilda. Eli and I read the book recently and have been listening to the CD in the car to prepare. Very excited!

nyc chinatown file
One activity we haven’t tried yet is exploring Chinatown. My kids are obsessed with Asian food (it’s always about the food) and loved walking around Chinatown on a road trip to Toronto a few summers ago, so it seems crazy not to check it out in our own back yard.

Please let me know in the comments if you recommend any specific sights or restaurants great for kids in Chinatown, or anywhere else in Manhattan.

Happy Spring!